How to Live With Codependency
Most people who live with codependency are immersed in a dysfunctional relationship that feeds off low self-esteem and a lack of self-worth. This is a destructive cycle for both the codependent person and the person to whom you might be attached. To continue this behavior is unhealthy. The more ideal goal would be to break these bonds of codependency so that you can learn to relate to your loved ones in a more equal, honest, loving way.
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Instructions
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Get professional help. Therapists are trained to help you break these unhealthy patterns. They will help you find the root of your codependency, giving you a road map of steps needed to develop your own self-worth.
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Build your self-esteem by setting individual goals and accomplishing them independent of your relationships. Codependent people find their self-worth through outside sources, such as other people. This is tenuous at best. Putting your self-worth in other people makes you feel inherently powerless because it shifts a relationship from a place of love to a place of need.
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Let go of the martyr mentality. Some who are codependent spend so much of the time being noble it seems selfish to take the steps necessary to break the unhealthy behavior. But life should balance between work and play, self and others. Codependents rely so much on other people they lose sight of meeting their own needs. If you are a homemaker who constantly tends to your family, find outside hobbies that help you maintain your own individuality.
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Assert your own desires, preferences and opinions. Because these relationships are so imbalanced, those who are codependent fall into the trap of needing to please others out of fear. Don't be afraid to tell those you love what you would like or what you need. Healthy relationships are a give and take, and those who really care about you will do for you as willingly as you do for them.
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Set boundaries. Codependents lose their ability to say no and will often do things they don't want to do so that the other person won't leave them. Setting these boundaries will help you set your own value and establish self-respect. Love isn't an obligation, or a chore. It's a gift best given willingly.
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Focus on your own life rather than managing the life of another. Codependents are often controlling, and micromanage the lives of those they need. This doesn't allow your partner to grow into a self-sufficient person. Instead this may become destructive enabling behavior, where you keep those you need in a perpetual state of needing you to care for them.
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Let go of unhealthy relationships. If you have had a life-long pattern of codependency it is likely that you have been drawn to or attracted those who would take advantage of the unbalanced, codependent relationship. These individuals may be resistant to the changes you need to make to be healthy. Love yourself enough to let go of toxic relationships so you can attract more healthy partners or individuals into your life.
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References
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