How to Make Marriage Work With a Blended Family With Teenagers

Discussing issues with your teenager can help him feel like he's taking part in decision-making.

Blended families in the United States make up about 33 percent of all marriages, according to Focus on the Family. These blended families create a new dynamic and can be stressful to maintain. Teenagers in the family can sometimes cause the marriage to need even more work to be successful. Because teenagers are often busy with their own social lives and tend to be more focused on themselves, they can pose an even bigger challenge than younger children.

Instructions

1. Include the teenagers in family decisions, especially those that impact them directly. For instance, if you are considering a move that would put the teenager in a different school district during the volatile high school years, ask your teen what he thinks. Your teen may not mind to move or he may be upset.

2. Set rules for everyone to follow and make sure everyone is aware of the rules and the consequences of breaking those rules. Teenagers may try to push the limits with the stepparent. Therefore, both partners must be willing to abide by the rules and dole out the appropriate punishments regardless of whose child disobeys.

3. Avoid letting the teenagers get between you and your spouse. Teenagers are often good at manipulating and can drive a wedge between two people. Don't fight in front of the teenagers, but keep the lines of communication open so each of you knows what is happening with yourselves and the children.

4. Encourage your teenagers to express their feelings freely. However, make it clear that expressing a dislike does not guarantee things will change, but you will take their opinion into consideration.

5. Focus on doing things together as a family. Teenagers often want to go off and do their own thing; however, when a family goes on vacation together and participates in activities together, a stronger bond forms.

6. Take time for yourselves as a couple. Go on a "couples-only" vacation, go out to dinner and a movie, or take a walk together. One advantage of having teenagers in the house is that you do not need to hire a babysitter to go out. Spending time together without the children helps strengthen your own bond and thus has a positive impact on the blended family as a whole.

7. Seek the help of a family counselor if issues arise that you cannot work through together. These counselors are able to work with your individual situation and offer coping strategies to help make your marriage and blended family work. Make an appointment that each member of your family can attend so the counselor can get a first-hand look at your family dynamic.

Tips & Warnings

• Avoid arguing about the kids in front of the kids. Talk in private and present a united front to the children.

References

• University of Florida IFAS Extension; Couples Considering a Blended Family; Kate Fogarty, et al.
• Helpguide.org: Guide to Step-Parenting and Blended Families
• Focus on the Family; Remarriage and Blended Families; Ron Deal; 2008
• Marriage Builders: How to Raise Children in a Blended Family and Keep Love in Your Marriage