-
Step 1
Breathe. All you can do is survive this first and difficult day. Take one day at a time. Give yourself permission to mourn. Call in sick at work, sleep all day, eat too much ice cream, sob.
-
Step 2
Congratulate yourself for being human: It is only when you open yourself to love that your heart can break. Develop and repeat a helpful mantra to get you through the initial shock and pain, such as "This too shall pass" or "I will survive."
-
Step 3
Reach out to a close friend or family member. It helps to share your thoughts with others. Watch a movie to distract yourself. Choose a comedy that has cheered you up in the past. Or watch a movie that's guaranteed to make you sob--it may surprise you how good that feels.
-
Step 1
Week 1: Force yourself to go out even if you are feeling despondent. Take yourself out for a cup of coffee or go on a long walk. Express your emotions in a way that comes naturally. Write in a journal, paint, sculpt or play music. Do daily cardiovascular exercise--the endorphins will give your spirits an immediate lift. Resist the urge to call your ex. Instead, write a letter. Don't mail it. Go out of town for the weekend to distance yourself from the temptation to call your ex. Visit an old friend or go back home to your roots. A change of environment does wonders for the spirit. Put everything that reminds you of your ex in a box and seal it. Throw it away, donate it to charity or ask a friend to hold on to it indefinitely.
-
Step 2
Week 2: Surround yourself with friends. This may mean reaching out to people you fell out of touch with during the relationship. Make lists to help you regain your confidence and identity: a list of your friends, of things you like, of what you want to accomplish in the next decade. Spoil yourself: Get a new hairstyle, have a spa day or go shopping. Resist the urge to call your ex.
-
Step 3
Week 3: Assess the experience. Have you learned anything about yourself? Does the experience make you more empathetic to others who've suffered a hardship? Begin an activity that will fill your time, distract your mind and rebuild your confidence. Train for a marathon, take up yoga or learn a new language. Resist the urge to call your ex. Volunteer your time at a local homeless shelter, soup kitchen or tutoring center. It will take your mind off your own woes and keep your suffering in perspective.
-
Step 4
Week 4: Continue regular socializing and exercising. While socializing, though, make sure you don't depend on alcohol or drugs to dull the pain. Call your ex if you feel it would be helpful. Resist if you merely want to say hurtful things. Consider dating other people, but be wary of rebound relationships. Understand that you will need to experience and process sadness, anger, guilt and fear to fully heal. Burying or ignoring these emotions will thwart the healing process. Write, cry, share the feelings with friends.
-
Step 1
Force yourself to go on dates. You'll be surprised to discover that your heart can still flutter over someone. It's part of the healing process.
-
Step 2
Consult a psychiatrist if you are experiencing symptoms of depression, such as lack of appetite, insomnia or too much sleeping, low self-esteem, and an inability to concentrate or carry out routine tasks. Ask a friend or physician to recommend one who is experienced in treating depression.
-
Step 3
Remember that healing is a process that takes time. Expect waves of sadness, anger, guilt or fear even after you think you are over it. Give your heart time to heal.
-
Step 1
Compartmentalize the experience in your memory: "My heart was broken once. It really hurt and I'm glad it's over."
-
Step 2
Reach out to your ex if you want to re-establish a friendship. Do not harbor secret ambitions of winning him or her back. You'll only set yourself up for another heartbreak.
Comments
stagegod said
on 11/7/2009 28 years later things drastically changed. I am lost VERY lonely and can't seem to stop the tears and the lack of being wanted and needed. SO VERY DEPRESSED! I don't like feeling this way but it doesn't seem to ease any.
I don't want to be, let me say that one more time, I DON’T WANT TO BE THIS WAY! I don't want to die but I don't want to be........make sense?
What I need is a friend, someone to talk with to walk with someone like a companion. Is this wrong?
They say there's someone you marry and someone you love. They also say that those two aren't always the same person.
I hurt SO badly but I don't want to be someone else’s burden. I don't want to be the one that someone will say or no here comes that creep all they ever do is cry and I don't want to hear it anymore.
There has to be something out there to HELP me because I hurt so very much. I'm a strong person b...
runner75 said
on 10/30/2009 I broke the no contact rule after almost 7 months. I am mad at myself for knowing that he hurt me the first time around yet, I still put myself in the position of getting hurt again by hooking up with him a month ago. Now I found out that he is moving away to be closer to his son (his ex is pretty much using him as bait). I thought I was over this guy, but I've realized that I'm not. The pain that I feel hits deep in places that I never knew possible. I am so tired of crying and feeling sad. I want to be my old self again and know what it's like to feel happy...be happy in a relationship.
klinofsky said
on 10/30/2009 I divorced 2 years ago. The hardest moths where the first three months. After a year I almost forgot him. Now we keep frendly relationships with each other.
oresmelt said
on 10/28/2009 My last girlfriend who I had been with for almost 4 years broke up with me 10 days ago and it still hurts like it did day 1. I guess I'm in the bargaining stage of the grieving process cause all I want to do is call her and beg for her back, offering things that I know shouldnt matter to her to keep our relationship, like buying her a new car or giving up any of my friends that she doesnt like. I contemplate suicide everyday. I know that I need to seek professional help but I feel to depressed to even make the effort to get help
hugs12 said
on 10/27/2009 He was my first love. We had been together for just over a year when he broke up with me following an arguement. It came so out of the blue, he told me he didn't love me anymore and couldn't be with me as he didn't like my family. I'm so confused as he was always so loving. I still love him dearly but after a couple of weeks of us being apart I saw him with another women. I can't understand why he would want to hurt me so much when all I did was show him affection. I now question whether he ever loved me at all as he seems to be able to move on so quickly. I'm still very close to his family which just makes the pain even worse. Does it ever stop hurting?