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Step 1
Breathe. All you can do is survive this first and difficult day. Take one day at a time. Give yourself permission to mourn. Call in sick at work, sleep all day, eat too much ice cream, sob.
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Step 2
Congratulate yourself for being human: It is only when you open yourself to love that your heart can break. Develop and repeat a helpful mantra to get you through the initial shock and pain, such as "This too shall pass" or "I will survive."
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Step 3
Reach out to a close friend or family member. It helps to share your thoughts with others. Watch a movie to distract yourself. Choose a comedy that has cheered you up in the past. Or watch a movie that's guaranteed to make you sob--it may surprise you how good that feels.
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Step 1
Week 1: Force yourself to go out even if you are feeling despondent. Take yourself out for a cup of coffee or go on a long walk. Express your emotions in a way that comes naturally. Write in a journal, paint, sculpt or play music. Do daily cardiovascular exercise--the endorphins will give your spirits an immediate lift. Resist the urge to call your ex. Instead, write a letter. Don't mail it. Go out of town for the weekend to distance yourself from the temptation to call your ex. Visit an old friend or go back home to your roots. A change of environment does wonders for the spirit. Put everything that reminds you of your ex in a box and seal it. Throw it away, donate it to charity or ask a friend to hold on to it indefinitely.
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Step 2
Week 2: Surround yourself with friends. This may mean reaching out to people you fell out of touch with during the relationship. Make lists to help you regain your confidence and identity: a list of your friends, of things you like, of what you want to accomplish in the next decade. Spoil yourself: Get a new hairstyle, have a spa day or go shopping. Resist the urge to call your ex.
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Step 3
Week 3: Assess the experience. Have you learned anything about yourself? Does the experience make you more empathetic to others who've suffered a hardship? Begin an activity that will fill your time, distract your mind and rebuild your confidence. Train for a marathon, take up yoga or learn a new language. Resist the urge to call your ex. Volunteer your time at a local homeless shelter, soup kitchen or tutoring center. It will take your mind off your own woes and keep your suffering in perspective.
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Step 4
Week 4: Continue regular socializing and exercising. While socializing, though, make sure you don't depend on alcohol or drugs to dull the pain. Call your ex if you feel it would be helpful. Resist if you merely want to say hurtful things. Consider dating other people, but be wary of rebound relationships. Understand that you will need to experience and process sadness, anger, guilt and fear to fully heal. Burying or ignoring these emotions will thwart the healing process. Write, cry, share the feelings with friends.
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Step 1
Force yourself to go on dates. You'll be surprised to discover that your heart can still flutter over someone. It's part of the healing process.
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Step 2
Consult a psychiatrist if you are experiencing symptoms of depression, such as lack of appetite, insomnia or too much sleeping, low self-esteem, and an inability to concentrate or carry out routine tasks. Ask a friend or physician to recommend one who is experienced in treating depression.
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Step 3
Remember that healing is a process that takes time. Expect waves of sadness, anger, guilt or fear even after you think you are over it. Give your heart time to heal.
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Step 1
Compartmentalize the experience in your memory: "My heart was broken once. It really hurt and I'm glad it's over."
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Step 2
Reach out to your ex if you want to re-establish a friendship. Do not harbor secret ambitions of winning him or her back. You'll only set yourself up for another heartbreak.
Comments
queend said
on 11/22/2009 *Sorry I just want to finish off my last post-it seemed to get cut off.* :I realize that one day, maybe not today, but one day, he is realized that I was not just a nothing that he could just throw away, I am a something, and I just know that he'll realize the mistake he made and perhaps regret it, and maybe even try to win me back. But I won't ever take him back now. I can never trust him the same again, and I have realized that he is TRULY not the one for me.
queend said
on 11/22/2009 There is this guy. I really adored him. No other boy has ever treated me as nicely as he did. On our first couple of dates we hit it off really well. It was he who kissed me and told me he loved me. I was so happy-I could imagine ourselves in a very long and close relationship. This morning, I went out with him again for coffee, and although he was talkative and high in spirits, I could sense that there was something wrong. Later when I was at home, I contacted him and asked him what was bothering him. He told me that he actually thinks he may still love his ex.
I felt as if I were slapped in the face with full force, and I was so upset that he had said all those things, and made me so happy and hopeful, then just suddenly the carpet is pulled from underneath me and he calls it all off, when it was he who had led me on.
Not even a day has past, and I already feel much better. I reali...
renata24 said
on 11/20/2009 I fell in love with this guy when I first met him. At first things clicked and everything seemed perfect, he liked me too(of course this guy doesn't know I love him yet), then he said that he didn't want a relationship with me because he was too busy with work and he was afraid of neglecting me, now I just feel like he never really felt the same way for me. Now, two years later I'm still horribly heart broken, especially because sometimes when I see him we ignore each other or just hug and smile at each other.
I still feel that I love him, I've never told him that I do but I'm so afraid of being rejected again that I just rather keep it to myself.
iam5yearsold said
on 11/13/2009 my girlfriend left me a year ago we lived together for 4 in the UK. I've tried everything I even now live in the USA but not a day goes by where I think my life is even worth half of what it was with her in it. I have tried everything from drinking, drugs, counselors, not drinking, no drugs, talking to family trying to be just friends but nothing nothing at all seems to work. I thought i'd marry this girl and have a family and we'd grow old together and I still want this with only her. It's all my fault to it was my drinking and lies that got me here and now I have to live with myself and I feel so alone even with my best of friends around me I feel like the only person in the room. I play soccer to pass time, I have tried being creative keeping a journal. Nothing though seems to work or have any point. I don;t want to feel like this I just want to go home. She was my home! It hurts ...
scissor said
on 11/10/2009 hi! guy i thinks we have one thing in common! hehe
My girlfriend for 4years and 3month just broke up with me about a month ago, but not really broke up last month is kinda on and off until off.... reason she said is coz of me the thing i done wrong before now she hate me more coz she put the anger all together. Now she is happy not even a down time for her, now she enjoy without me she is happier, i love her very much we already have plans for everything when we leave together..... this is the story little bit last month we broke up, she ask me for a month break, i gave it to her, then after 5days she called and told me she love me but not the same as before , i said i will work with that no problem, then same day we plan things she will go to my birthday to texas (she`s frm biloxi) and then travel plans to philippines and japan in december, ALL OF OUR PLANS ARE STILL GOING TO HAPPE...