How to Establish a Curfew With Your Child

Even though you're trying to do what's best for your growing child, he or she may find the standards you set unbearable. Learn how to communicate with your teen or preteen and get him or her involved in the decision-making process.

Things You'll Need

• Phone Books
• Wrist Watches
• Family Therapists
• Cellular Phones
• Telephone Calling Cards

Instructions

1. Talk with your child. Chances are your child believes you set rules because you're mean. Explain the reality - that you care and sometimes fear for your teenager's safety. Tell your child your concerns and why you feel obliged to establish a curfew.

2. Check local ordinances on curfews. Many cities and counties have mandatory curfews in place for minors of different age groups. Use the laws in your city to help back up your decisions. If it is against the law for your child to be out after a certain time, let your child know.

3. Compromise. After talking with your child, decide together what an acceptable curfew will be. Differentiate between school nights and weekends and any other special events that may arise. Listen to your child's thoughts but don't let your child control the conversation. You make the final decision and you can always modify your decision if your child shows responsibility by sticking to the curfew.

4. Establish consequences together. Along with setting the curfew, you and your child should agree on consequences for breaking the curfew. Decide ahead of time if there will be a warning for a first offense and how long a punishment will last. Also, agree that if the consequences are not effective, you reserve the right to change them.

5. Devise an emergency plan. Talk with your teen about problems that may arise while he or she is away from home with peers. Make sure your teen knows to call home for a ride rather than getting in a vehicle with an intoxicated driver. Emphasize the importance of calling home to let you know if he or she is going to be late. Teach your child to be responsible and praise your teen for making good decisions.

Tips & Warnings

• Younger children - ages 12 to 14 - should have more restricted curfews than older teens. Coming in after dark or at dinner time on school nights, and only going out with a parent chauffeuring, are reasonable curfew limits for that age. Also be sure your child abides by any local curfew ordinances.

• Provide your teen with a cellular phone or phone card so your child will always be able to reach you when away from home.

• Remain calm at all times when dealing with your teen. Remember this is a difficult and confusing time of life and your child's emotions will be running high. Set a good example.

• Don't constantly remind your child of the curfew time. When you initially discuss it, let your teen know you expect them to remember and follow the curfew.

• Don't be afraid to set firm and restricted time limits on a child that frequently disobeys curfew or participates in delinquent activities.

• Seek professional help in the form of family support or counseling if your preteen or teen shows signs of unmanageable behavior or if you experience extreme frustration or anger while working with your teen.