How to Deal With Senior Parents

Have fun and take your parents out for activities.

According to Family and Consumer Sciences, "In 1900 ... only one out of 25 people were age 65 or older. Today, one out of ten people are in this age category." Tending to elderly parents is a relatively new phenomenon. Seniors may require assistance with day-to-day tasks and caring for one may be emotional draining and require an enormous amount of patience. However, dealing with aged parents shouldn't be difficult if you plan in advance and learn strategies to avoid a stressful situation.

Instructions

1. Attend all doctors' appointments. Create a prescription list with the scheduled times and include a note for medications that require a meal. Show the prescription list to all doctors and pharmacists to prevent side effects caused by mixing drugs. Have all prescriptions filled at one pharmacy.

2. Assess his driving skills. Discuss driving concerns with the doctor before approaching your elderly parent. Use the doctor's evaluation to persuade your parent to relinquish driving privileges. Locate all nearby public transportation he can use. Create a driving schedule among your family members if public transportation isn't close by, or consider relocating.

3. Create a money-management plan. Unless your parent cannot think for herself due to an illness, assist in her finances but don't take over. She should have access to her money and not need permission to make purchases. Make calculations for her and set up automatic payments online. Factor in household bills, health plans, life insurance and any home necessities such as transportation and meals. Be present for any home reparations and negotiate on her behalf.

4. Report any emotional outbursts to his doctor. It's possible that his mood swings may indicate an illness such as Alzheimer's disease or dementia. The doctor can give you further recommendations about handling his illness.

5. Discuss living arrangements. Consider moving your parent in and taking her to an adult daycare during the day. Alternatively, if she wishes to live alone, find a retirement apartment -- many of them provide meals and housekeeping for a monthly fee. For 24-hour care, find a nursing home.

6. Create a safe bathroom environment. Purchase a shower chair -- some elders stop bathing out of fear of getting injured. Some seniors need assistance but refuse help from family. Hire in-home care personnel to deal with bathing and toileting responsibilities if necessary.

7. Give your parent independence. Many things affect the elderly, such as memory loss, chronic pains, loss of hearing and mobility limitations. It doesn't help to have his child treating him like an infant. Allow him to make some household decisions and let him decide on eating and movie arrangements. Seek parental advice when dealing with your own children; your parent may have some good advice.

8. Develop new communication skills; speaking with your parent is different from speaking with a spouse, friend, child or sibling. Don't speak condescendingly. During an argument always see things from her perspective. Listen to what she says and don't interrupt. Allow her to win small battles. Reconsider engaging in any unimportant argument, such as cleaning her room.

Tips & Warnings

• Be aware of signs of abuse. Always talk to your parents about their home aides or senior centers.

References

• Texas A&M University; Building Positive Relationships; 2010
• Madonna University: Aging Parents and Common Sense
• Oregon State University; Benefits and Challenges of In-home Care; 2007
• "Coping with Your Difficult Older Parent"; Grace Lebow, et al.; 1999
• Texas A&M University: Helping When Health Fails

Resources

• Washington University in St. Louis; Be Prepared to Deal with Parents' aging; Eileen P. Duggan; 2003
• USAToday; Caregivers Cope with Stress, Mixed Emotions About Aging Parents; Sharon Jayson; 2008