How to Deal With Difficult Parents as an Adult Living With Them
Sometimes parents and their adult children are forced to live under one roof to save money. Other times, adult children move their aging parents into their own home after they can no longer fully care for themselves. Living together can prove challenging and difficult at times. Some aging parents and grown children are prone to resentment, personality changes and occasional outbursts. However, there are things you can do to prevent this from happening.
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Instructions
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Choose your arguments wisely. Difficult parents don't like fighting with people who aren't going to argue back. Plus, it's no fun for them. When you argue with a person who likes to pick fights, it only gives him more of a reason to validate his negative behavior.
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Control how you react to your parent's questionable actions or smart remarks. If you get upset, smack your lips and roll your eyes, you'll only give the person ammunition to continue with her unpleasant attitude.
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Talk through a problem. Try addressing the situation as soon as the problem arises. Don't raise your voice or say things to make the other person defensive or that person will likely tune you out and you'll get nothing resolved. Listen to what your parent has to say without getting defensive yourself.
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Prepare to have your buttons pushed at times. Identify these common trigger points ahead of time and, when the parent brings them up, simply ignore the negative comments. Instead of reacting angrily, change the subject. Or, if you absolutely must, walk away from the situation, letting the parent know in a calm voice that you're leaving until he can talk to you in a respectful manner.
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Listen to your parent's concerns, gripes and frustrations. The key to a successful relationship is communication. If you don't make a conscience effort to talk or work out your problems, your relationship will not improve. It will only worsen.
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Slow down your speaking patterns so that you don't come off as condescending. If you're dealing with a parent who suffers from dementia or hearing loss, avoid speaking to her as you would a kid. Doing so may spark an unnecessary argument.
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Kill your parents with kindness. If you go out of your way to be nice to them or do thoughtful things, they'll likely feel bad for wanting to be mean or unruly. However, don't overdo the "nice factor." If you let your parents take advantage of that, you'll wear yourself out and begin to be resentful toward them.
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Understand what it's like to be old and put yourself in your parents' shoes. Most elderly people are desperately trying to stay in control of themselves and their environment. If you baby your parents, you will make them feel as if they're losing more control of their own lives. They will feel helpless.
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Ask your parents for help when it comes to doing simple things like vacuuming, sweeping the kitchen floor, cooking, etc. This will make the parent feel as if he's valued and needed.
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Laugh whenever possible. Experts say it truly is the best form of medicine. A shared laugh can ease tension while building closeness. However, be sure to laugh with your parents and not at them.
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Tips & Warnings
Never let your parents see you "sweat." If they do, they'll feel that they have power or control over you.
Consider seeing a psychologist if resolving conflict with your parents seems absolutely impossible.
If you ever get the urge or imagine being violent toward your parents, seek professional help or consider living apart if possible to avoid a potential devastating outcome.
References
Resources
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