How to Not Raise a Bully

Raise your child to be caring and thoughtful.

Parenting is often a major factor in whether a child turns out to be a bully in school and in other social situations. How you raise a child has a big effect on his interactions with others in his peer group, whether he's giving and humorous or taunting and sarcastic. Raise your child to not be a bully through a combination of communication and patience.

Instructions

1. Help your child process his own emotions. To assist your child in empathizing with how others feel, first he needs to understand how he himself feels. When your child is upset about something, ask him to identify and describe his emotions, whether sadness, embarrassment or rejection. The stronger grasp he has on his own feelings, the better equipped he will be to understand how other children his age feel. For example, if your child speaks to you about a fight with someone at school, try to get him to look at the other person's mindset as well.

2. Act as a role model. If your child notices you, as a parent, behaving in a caring and empathetic way, it may encourage her to display that same behavior in her own life. Children naturally tend to mimic the actions of their parents. In your interactions with your friends, act toward them in the way that you wish for your children to act toward their friends. Do the same no matter where you are, whether you're talking to a sales assistant at a department store or to an electrician visiting your home.

3. Nurture your child's self-confidence. When a child acts like a bully on the playground, it sometimes is a cry for help. Perhaps the child feels badly about himself and acts out as a means of getting attention from others. To prevent this situation, go out of your way to motivate your child and point out his strongest qualities. Let him know how much you appreciate having him in your life. Not only will this help your child not be a bully, it will also help him handle potentially bullies and their negative comments.

4. Teach your child about proper conflict resolution. One important factor behind whether a child becomes a bully or not is how she deals with conflict. Speak to your child about life's inevitable disagreements and arguments. Make sure she understands how to productively handle these situations -- through listening and problem solving together. Let your child know that exchanging insults, blaming and hitting are never the answers. Tell her that if someone is bullying her, instead of returning the behavior, to immediately report it to a teacher instead.

5. Speak about your beliefs to your child. Instill in your child a strong sense of ethics and morals. Instead of simply spouting off a list of what is and isn't acceptable in life, speak in depth about your values and beliefs, from how you wish to treat other people to how you regard yourself.

6. Know your child's social circle. Peer pressure can often cause a child to turn to bullying. Meet your child's closest friends. Be aware of some of the biggest influences in his life. The more closely involved you are, the easier it will be for you to put a stop to any potentially problematic behavioral patterns.

Tips & Warnings

• Allow your child to take in media in moderation, particularly violent television shows and video games. When your child consumes this type of media, talk to him about understanding the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviors.

References

• "Time" magazine; How Not to Raise a Bully; Maia Szalavitz; April 2010
• WTKR; How Not to Raise a Bully (Or a Victim)
• Great Schools; How to Raise a Child Who's Not a Bully; Jessica Kelmon; May 2011
• Family Education: Fostering Your Child's Good Character