How to Deal With an Obnoxious Adult Brother

Not all brotherly relationships are this smooth.

Healthy relationships with adult family members typically take some work, but maintaining these gets much more difficult when one party seems to go out of his way to make things difficult. Dealing with an obnoxious brother when you're an adult is easier than when you're children, because at least you don't have to share the same house anymore. However, if you want to try to preserve a positive, or at least amicable, family relationship, you need to formulate a plan for how to deal with your obnoxious brother.

Instructions

1. Talk to the other members in your family, such as your parents or other siblings. Decide whether or not the brother's behavior is a problem that the entire family is dealing with, and if it needs to be dealt with as a family, or if it is a problem just between you and your sibling.

2. Tell your brother know that you have a problem with the way that your relationship is currently working. Be specific about the problems you have about his behavior, but try to avoid being confrontational. Approach the conversation from the point of view of trying to improve the way you get along, rather than accusing him of something.

3. Watch for patterns that repeat from childhood. Even though people grow into adults that are vastly different than the people they were when children, sometimes old patterns appear when in a situation that mirrors childhood, such as dealing with a sibling. Point out that the behavior causing problems is one that is exactly like the behavior that took place years before. This helps some people recognize how they are acting.

4. Use the services of a facilitator, such as a psychologist or family counselor, to try to address problems with your brother, if talking to him on your own does not improve his behavior in any way.

5. Create rules that your sibling has to follow if the behavior becomes too rude, intrusive or difficult to deal with. Establish boundaries, if necessary, between your own family and your brother's to avoid letting him disrupt your life.

References

• Family Life; Getting Along With Adult Siblings; Dennis Rainey
• Psychology Today; Adult Sibling Rivalry; Jane Mersky Leder; January 1993
• Elder Care Online; Oh Brother! Managing Sibling Rivalries; Phyllis Kramer Hirschkop

Resources

• Mail Online; What Happens When Sibling Rivalry Turns Into Adult Envy; Judith Woods; July 2010