How to Let Go of a Painful Friendship

Journaling during tough emotional times can help you cope with your thoughts.

Having a painful friendship in your life not only drains your energy and time, but your emotions as well. The longer you let a painful, unhealthy relationship persist, the longer it will take to break that friendship and let go of that person. You must go through the process of understanding what it takes to let go of a friend. Being honest during this process gives you strength to hold to your decision.

Things You'll Need

• Journal

Instructions

1. Reflect on your time and relationship with the friend that you would like to separate from. Note the times he treated you fairly and with love as well as the times he hurt you and caused you pain. You are not simply making a pros-cons list to help you decide if you would like to end the friendship or not. You must also give weight to each item, as some actions have more meaning than others.

2. Tell your friend you think it would be best if you do not speak for awhile, if you are still talking to her. If the two of your are not talking any longer, admit to yourself that you are ending the friendship in your head. Be firm. Do not put qualifiers on this statement, such as, "unless she calls and apologizes." Most likely, she has hurt you before and that is why you have decided to let go of your friendship.

3. Rely on another trustworthy friend, family member or therapist for help during this difficult time. This other person can comfort you, offer advice or simply listen as you divulge your emotions and feelings on the situation. Writing, or journaling, your thoughts during the process of letting go can also help you cope and understand what is happening.

4. Check in with your supportive friend, family member or therapist periodically, especially if the friend you are trying to let go of is attempting to be back in your life again. He may apologize or ensure you that his behavior will change. You must decide if you want to let him back in your life given your history.

Tips & Warnings

• Reward yourself with pampering or a relaxing day, as ending relationships can be stressful.

• Call the police if you ever feel your safety is in danger.

References

• Arizona State University; E-Journaling: A Strategy to Support Student Reflection and Understanding; Frederick B. King and Diana J. LaRocco; February 2006
• New York University Langone Medical Center; Now It's Time to Say Goodbye: Ending Friendships; Lain Chroust Ehmann

Resources

• Syracuse University: Uses and Benefits of Journal Writing; Roger Hiemstra; September 202