How to Deal With Being Unpopular

A lack of friends can negatively affect people at any age.

You may look different or act different or you may not know the "right people" -- in any case, and at any age, being unpopular can be painful. Children especially are sensitive to being on the social fringe at school. School bullies can make being unpopular worse when they tease and humiliate you. However, unpopularity can extend to your life as an adult in the workplace as well. In either case, learn to deal with being unpopular and you will find yourself a happier, better-adjusted person.

Instructions

1. Improve your social skills. Sometimes -- but not always -- people are unpopular because they project an awkwardness in social interaction. You may make people uncomfortable if you don't examine how your behavior impacts others. You may seem so shy and withdrawn that people are nervous to approach you. Start with a friendly greeting in the morning to someone you think is amicable. (Try to approach bullies and you'll only draw unwanted attention to yourself.)

   Don't come on too strong and try to become the person's new best friend. Just ask how he is doing. If it goes well, the next time you see him, make a remark about something he wears or does. For example, if you notice he's a fan of your favorite band or sports team, talk about that.

2. Make new friends. Although you have to spend a lot of time at work or school, you don't have to be good friends with the people there if you feel outcast. Sign up for a sports team, a craft or book club, or scouting. Volunteer for your favorite cause and meet people who love and support the same things you do. Make friends outside of the school or workplace cliques and you will feel more confident. Your "unpopular" status will mean less to you when you know that you have true friends elsewhere.

3. Contact old friends. If you had friends from your youth or from an earlier school, stay in touch with them. You can vent to them about your trouble being "unpopular" online or by phone if you live far away from them. Get together with them at least once a month, if not more, if you're both still local.

4. Seek counseling. If being unpopular makes you depressed, you can benefit from professional counseling. If still in school, you may find free school counseling. If you're not in school, ask your doctor for information about an affordable counselor in your area.

Tips & Warnings

• Oftentimes the "popular" people are people who don't make good friends anyway. Look for friends who are kind and nonjudgmental.

• Seek other "unpopular" people. You are unlikely to be the only one who doesn't make the "popular" cut.

• If bullies torment you at school, speak with a parent, a teacher or another trusted adult. If you experience harassment at the workplace, speak with your supervisor or human resources representative.

References

• "iParenting"; When Your Child Is Unpopular - Tips to Help You Both Cope; Pat Dimmig
• "ICPM Management World"; Does He Play Well With Others - Evaluating a Candidate's Social Skills; Dr. Steven Hunt; September 2006
• Military Youth on the Move: Helping Your Children Make New Friends