How to Help Someone in a Toxic Friendship

Help your friend escape her negative relationship.

Friendship is usually a beautiful thing. Some friendships, though, aren't mutually beneficial -- as they should be. In toxic friendships, one friend uses the other, leaving her unsupported, disappointed and generally unfulfilled by the relationship. If someone you care for is involved in a toxic friendship, you may want to intervene and help her make her way out of the relationship. While she may not immediately want your help, if you are patient and persistent, you can likely help her end this less-than-healthy friendship.

Instructions

1. Point out the problems in the friendship in a non-judgmental way. Instead of simply telling your friend, "Your relationship with her isn't healthy," tell her in specific terms why the friendship is toxic. For example, you can say, "I worry that she may be using you," or, "She seems to delight in your misfortune."

2. Lend a supportive ear. Give your friend a shoulder to lean on and hear her out without judgment. By listening to her concerns about her friendship, you can show her what a true friend does and let her know she has an ally.

3. Build your friend's self-esteem. Many people are hesitant to leave toxic friendships because they don't think highly enough of themselves to feel that they deserve better. Bolstering your friend's self-esteem can mitigate this problem. Remind her of all of the positive things she has going for her, praise her and encourage her to dedicate herself to interests she is skilled at but rarely takes time to enjoy. For example, if she likes designing and sewing clothes, encourage her to pursue this, perhaps by enrolling in a class that will improve her skills. Having something she is proud of can make going without her toxic friend potentially less scary.

4. Help your friend form alternative friendships. Introduce her to others with whom she may share interests. Your friend may be more likely to call the toxic friendship quits if she feels like she has other friends she can turn to.

Tips & Warnings

• Remain patient. You likely will not have much luck in trying to help your friend get out of a bad friendship if she hasn't yet realized that the friendship is wanting. While you may want to tell her that you have concerns about her relationship, you don't want to push her to end it. That may cause her to fight your suggestions.

References

• "Psychology Today"; Toxic Friends: When Friendship is No Longer Healthy; Ann Smith; June 2010
• WebMD; Topic Friendships: Do You Have One?; Heather Hatfield