How to Deal With Children Who Beg for Attention

A child makes faces to gain adult attention.

Children sometimes exhibit behaviors that beg for attention because they prefer negative attention to no attention at all. Negative attention for misbehavior often reinforces these negative behaviors. Examples of attention-seeking behaviors include talking back, making faces and making noises repeatedly. Verbal reprimands, arguing and yelling all reinforce negative behaviors by providing attention. Develop a plan to provide attention and reinforce positive behaviors only. Offering attention for good behaviors teaches children skills to regulate their emotions and manage their behaviors in socially appropriate ways.

Instructions

Individual Attention to Prevent Negative Behaviors

1. Spend 10 to 15 minutes per day providing the child with individual attention. During this time, join the child's play or allow the child to pick an activity to do together.

2. Sit on the floor with the child and provide undivided attention. Make eye contact and show enthusiasm while spending time together. Offer positive reinforcement through verbal praise and physical affection.

3. Verbalize observations about the child's play. Provide frequent descriptive comments about the child's activities. For example, say, "You're driving the car toward the house." Avoid asking questions or providing corrections to the child's play.

Positive Reinforcement For Good Behavior

1. Provide specific praise to the child for positive behaviors. Praising the child frequently for good conduct reduces attention-seeking behaviors. Praise the child for behaviors such as playing quietly, playing independently and following the rules. Offer specific praise by saying, "Great job playing quietly while I'm on the phone," instead of generic praise such as "Good job."

2. Reward the child with increased attention for following the rules. For example, if the child begs for attention most often at bedtime, offer an extra bedtime story if the child follows the rules and climbs into bed on time.

3. Create a formal reward system to target specific behaviors or time periods when the child struggles most. Reward systems, such as a token system, provide frequent reinforcement for positive behaviors as the child receives a token each time he exhibits the desired behaviors. The child later exchanges the tokens for larger rewards, such as a later bedtime.

Consequences For Misbehavior

1. Ignore mildly inappropriate behaviors such as whining, complaining and begging. Avoid making eye contact and do not provide any verbal communication until the behavior stops.

2. Send the child to timeout for more serious behaviors such as aggression and noncompliance. Plan a designated timeout area and do not start the time until the child becomes quiet. Do not provide any attention to the child during the timeout. Enforce the timeout for one minute per each year of the child's age. For example, a 5-year-old serves a five-minute timeout.

3. Take away privileges, such as use of electronics, if the child refuses to go to timeout.

Tips & Warnings

• When providing individual attention to the child, choose an activity that requires interaction; avoid watching television and turn off phones.

• Initially, ignoring causes behaviors to get worse as the child increases attempts to gain attention. The behaviors will cease if ignored consistently.

References

• Incredible Years: "Rewards Can Give Children an Extra Boost"; Carolyn Webster-Stratton; October 2010
• "Incredible Years: A Troubleshooting Guide for Parents of Children Aged 3 to 8"; Carolyn Webster-Stratton; 2006

Resources

• Family Education: Handling an Attention-Seeking Child