How to Offer Condolences for a Family Loss
The time after a family loses a loved one is an emotionally packed period in which the family begins moving through the grieving process. One way that you can help them begin to cope with their loss is by sharing your own feelings, as well as your experiences with their loved one, in the form of a condolence letter. While the family might not open your letter right away, it can provide a sense of closeness to their loved one as they read about your connection to her.
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Instructions
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Collect information about the lost loved one and her family from people who knew her, such as close friends. Ask about the family's religious preferences, the circumstances of the loss and dates of important upcoming events, such as the funeral, memorial or family gathering. If you ask these questions of a family member, be reserved and respectful when doing so.
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Write your condolence letter. Include personal information about your relationship to the deceased, such as a story about her or reflections about her character and influence on you. Share your own pain about the loss, and explain what she meant to you. Remind the family of the deceased's virtues, and offer yourself as someone for them to talk to, if they should need. Avoid offering information that the family might find offensive, such as references to religious ideas that the family does not share. Mail the letter, which will give the family the opportunity to read it when they are ready. Remember that a letter is something the family can touch, read and reread as they move through the grieving process.
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Send flowers to the funeral or memorial service. Purchase an arrangement that is simple; avoid garish colors and extravagant decorations. Include a card with a simple condolence message and your name, such as "With great sympathy for your loss. Sincerely, Jane Smith." Sending flowers to a funeral is a simple act of respect, intended to show the family that their lost family member had people who loved her and miss her.
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Make yourself available to the family, if they need to speak to someone. Provide your contact information, to give them the chance to reach out to you. Use a simple statement to the family, such as, "I hope you will call me if there is anything I can do to help," to avoid sounding as if you are trying to force your assistance on them. Let them reach out to you for help or comfort or needed. Offer to baby sit for the family, for example, giving the family time to grieve and deal with some of the many details involved before and after a funeral. Include the family's children in activities with your own children, such as taking the kids to the park. Also, you can provide a casserole or an entire meal for the family, allowing them to grieve without having to worry about daily activities such as cooking.
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References
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