How to Help Your Boyfriend Communicate

Communicating in a relationship is key to being happy with your partner.

After a couple has been dating for a while, they begin to realize how much effort it takes to maintain a healthy, communicative relationship. A successful, long-lasting relationship demands give and take from both partners. Although a relationship requires work, the difficulty can be eased through successful communication. If your boyfriend needs help communicating, here are some ideas to help him open up.

Instructions

1. Set up a time to talk that is convenient for both partners and does not conflict with other activities, such as TV watching.

2. Make an agenda for yourself. What do you want to talk to him about? What has been bugging you? He can't read your mind and can only know what you want to talk about if you tell him.

3. Bring up both a problem and a solution. Avoid venting or personal attacks. Work to find a solution. He likely wants to participate in problem-solving rather than problem-inventing. For example, if the problem is that you feel neglected, tell him that, and then, suggest a solution, such as spending more time together.

4. Avoid attacking him. Use such phrases as "It would be helpful if you cleaned up a bit more" while giving credit: "I do appreciate your help with the shopping." As much as possible, avoid "you-messages" that, to him, feel like he is being blamed.

5. Avoid judgments. It is great that he has opened up to you, but you will quickly shut him up again if you judge him on his opinions. Instead, use reaffirming language like "I understand" and "I know what you mean." You do not necessarily need to agree with him, but you need to understand from where his emotions are coming.

6. Listen actively. When he is speaking, nod in understanding. Also, when you are speaking, repeat what he has already said. For him, this reaffirms that you have truly listened to his issues and problems, which may increase his comfort with communication.

7. Ask him if there has been anything on his mind recently. Invite his voice into the discussion.

8. Do not get mad or upset if he has nothing to say. Sometimes, what seems like the biggest problem for you may not be as important to him. Encourage him to speak up when something is bothering him.

References

• Women's Health Magazine; Talk to Your Boyfriend So He'll Listen; Elise Nersesian
• Huffington Post; Relationship Communication: How to Talk So That Your Partner Will Listen; Robert Leahy; 8 February 2011
• Huffington Post; Why Men Don't Listen to Women; Robert Leahy; 27 January 2011
• HelpGuide.org; Relationship Help: Advice for Building Healthy & Exciting Love Relationships; Joanna Saisan, Melinda Smith and Jeanne Segal; November 2010