How to Ask for Forgiveness From Your Children

The ability to forgive is linked to reduced stress, better health and stronger relationships.

Sometimes, you may wonder how you could be forgiven, especially when you have offended your own children. However, children have an amazing capacity for forgiveness. All you have to do is be honest, apologize and ask for forgiveness. Knowing how to ask for forgiveness will help maintain healthy relationships with your children.

Instructions

Seeking Forgiveness

1. Think about your actions and feelings of remorse. Imagine how your children felt about your actions.

2. Plan to meet in person, call or write a letter to ask for forgiveness. Meeting in person allows your children to see your body language and may help them realize that you are sincere. Meeting in person will also allow you to give your children quality time and hug them. If you meet in person or call, they can also ask questions and discuss it with you. You could also write a letter. A letter is less confrontational and invasive. Writing a letter will give them more time to reflect on what you said and respond. Your children can also read the letter over and over if they wish.

3. Plan what you want to say. This will depend on what you did and what type of people your children are. If your children are young, think of an analogy to help them understand.

4. Execute the apology. Children are more likely to forgive a parent if the parent apologizes. Say exactly what you are sorry for doing. Take full responsibility and explain your actions, if appropriate. Do not lie or make up excuses to justify your actions. If you lie, your children will recognize that you are insincere and will be less likely to forgive you. Do not blame them for your actions.

5. Share your feelings. This will help your children understand that you are sincere and regret your offending actions.

6. Let your children speak. They may share how they feel. They also could have questions or concerns. Do not get angry or defensive.

7. Make amends, if possible. If you accidentally broke a toy, replace it or fix it. The gesture will mean a lot. If you are apologizing to them for abusing drugs or alcohol, tell them how you plan to make amends and follow through. Your children will know that you are sorry if you support your words with actions. If you do not know how to make amends, apologize and then ask how you can make it up to them.

8. Ask for forgiveness. Some children will offer forgiveness upon hearing your apology. Other children may not think to say the words, even if they forgive you. Some children may not be able to forgive quickly, and how quickly they forgive could depend on the offense. You may not want to ask for forgiveness immediately.

Tips & Warnings

• Do not to repeat the same mistakes again. If you keep making the same mistakes, your children may be less likely to forgive you.

• Be calm. Your children may still be upset. You do not want to start an argument or make the situation worse.

References

• Being Blog; A Toddler's Capacity to Forgive; Rob McGinley Myers; November 2008
• Journal of Personality and Social Psychology; Unraveling the Role of Forgiveness in Family Relationships; Gregory Maio, et al.; February 2008
• Harvard Medical School; Harvard Health Publications: Power of Forgiveness; December 2004
• Handbook of Forgiveness; Everett Worthington; 2005
• The Five Languages of Apology; Gary Chapman; 2008
• Troubled With; Communication Problems: The Fine Art of Apologizing to Your Children; Geneva Cobb Iijima; 2009

Resources

• Doug Boude; Promoting Family Unity: The Power of Forgiveness; September 2007
• Childhood Affirmations Program; Do You Know How to Tell Your Child You're Sorry; Arlene Harder; 2005
• Children Topics; Meaningful Apologies; Randa Williamson-Maloy; February 2010
• The Power of Apology; Beverly Engel; 2001
• The Impact; Forgiveness: The Key to Inner Peace; Ms. Aicha
• The Mason Gazette; To Forgive and Not Forget; Tara Laskowski; April 2006