How to Handle a Racist Friend
Almost every adult has experienced the situation where you are casually talking with a friend when suddenly she drops a racist statement. You never realized the person was racist and now you are faced with the decision of whether to confront what he said and, if so, how. Racism is not something that someone can just ignore as a minor character flaw like an annoying laugh or tendency to talk too close. It is a deeply held belief that some people are inferior, based solely on the color of their skin. Unaddressed, racism does have an extremely negative impact on the lives of many people of color every day. It is imperative that people stand up and address racism when they come across it.
Other People Are Reading
Instructions
-
-
1
Have a heart to heart talk. The first time you hear your friend make a racist statement is time for an intense heart to heart talk. This is going to be awkward and could make your friend very mad. No one likes being called a racist, even racists. They like to believe that their opinions are based on facts and personal experience instead of flawed logic and hateful bias. You need to make clear to them that you find their beliefs extremely upsetting, that you don't agree with them and that they are not to say or do anything racist while you are around. If you feel you cannot be friends with them while they hold these racist beliefs make that clear to them.
-
2
Confront your friend in public when he makes racist statements. If, after your heart to heart talk, he continues to make racist statements, call him on it each and every time. It may be so ingrained in his thinking that he isn't even aware he's being offensive. He needs to be made aware of it when it happens before he can change his thinking. A simple: "I find that statement deeply offensive and racist and I do not agree with it at all," should suffice. If he wants to argue with you, the choice of whether or not to debate the issue is up to you. If you feel the person can be educated and you feel up to the task, you can explain how racist stereotypes do not reflect real people, how they originate and the insidious damage they do to communities and individuals. If you feel your friend will not be swayed by facts, you can refuse to argue and simply remind him that you don't want racist remarks made in your presence.
-
-
3
Walk away. If neither of these tactics work, it's time to take a more drastic approach. After confronting her, if she laughs off your concerns or tries to argue with you, it's time to walk away. If you are at a party, move away from your friend and stop interacting with her. If you are hanging out one on one, get up, walk to your car and drive away. You have to be willing to make it absolutely clear that you will not tolerate her continued racism.
-
4
Cut him loose. If nothing else works it may be time to walk away from your friendship. You have tried being honest, heartfelt, confrontational and offended and nothing has worked. If you tell a friend that something he says offends and hurts you and he refuses to stop doing it, if only out of concern for your feelings, perhaps he isn't your friend after all.
-
1
References
Resources
- Photo Credit Photos.com/Photos.com/Getty Images
