How to Gracefully Get Out of a Bad Friendship

Get rid of a toxic friendship with class.

If you're in the midst of an unhealthy friendship, you may feel confused and lost. Though it is common for people to end romantic relationships, it is much murkier territory to break things off with a friend. If you have a toxic friendship, however, you need to take the necessary steps to end the situation, for your own peace of mind and happiness.

Instructions

1. Figure out the main problems. When assessing your bad friendship, point out the biggest issues. Perhaps your friend is too competitive with you. Maybe she doesn't make enough time for you. You may simply feel that you are drifting away from her. Ensure that you clearly understand what your biggest woes are regarding the friendship.

2. Have clarity. People tend to have bad judgment in the heat of the moment. If you just went through a major argument with your friend, you may decide that you want him out of your life due to fresh feelings of anger. This type of quick thinking can lead to regret later. Do not make any permanent decisions as to what you want to do until you feel calm and relaxed about everything.

3. Spend a little time away from your friend. Before you break the bad news to your friend, conduct your own test separation to see how you feel about the whole thing. Do this by slowly cutting out the contact you have with your friend. If she calls you to hang out over a cup of coffee, write her an email back telling her politely that you are unable to make it. Do not attempt to initiate contact or socializing with your friend at all in this period, as all this will accomplish is sending her a mixed message and confusing her when you finally do decide to pull the plug on everything.

4. Meet up privately with your friend. When you are ready to end things, request a quiet meeting with your friend. Seek a spot that is preferably not in public, as you don't want to embarrass yourselves should the situation become emotional. Clearly and openly express your feelings to him, telling him exactly why you don't want to be his friend anymore. For instance, say something like, "I feel it is time we go our separate ways as friends. I do not feel comfortable with your competitive attitude toward our friendship." Avoiding name-calling and try to do this in as non-accusatory a manner as possible. The last thing you want to do is heat up the situation which will only make the process more difficult.

5. Behave firmly. Do what you need to do. If your friend reacts emotionally and states that he wants to change and stay your friend, avoid allowing him to pressure you into going back into a situation that makes you unhappy. Remember that you took a lot of time in coming up with your decision and this is what you really want.

Tips & Warnings

• Be open to answering questions. You may blindside your friend with ending everything, so be prepared to make some clarifications. Give your friend the respect she deserves by offering explanations patiently and honestly. If your friend wants to know how long you have felt this way, let her know.

References

• Huffington Post; Christine Hassler; Phasing Out a Friendship; May 2009
• "Today": 5 Tips to Break Off a Friendship; Gail Saltz; October 2007
• "The Wall Street Journal"; How to Break Up With a Friend; Elizabeth Bernstein; March 2010
• CNN; Is It Time to End That Friendship; Barbara Graham; July 2011