How to Get Over Betrayal and Brokenness

Recovering from a betrayal takes time, patience, friends and honesty.

A world of hurt is left behind when someone betrays you. Healing from this betrayal is a process and takes time. Regardless of whether you were betrayed by a friend, spouse or significant other, betrayal is betrayal. Learning to forgive and trust again requires some time and uncomfortable emotions. Still, all things come to an end, and this includes the grief over a betrayal.

Instructions

1. Be gentle with yourself. Treat your grief over a betrayal as you would the death of a loved one. Betrayal kills the dreams and expectations you have for someone you trusted. Expect to experience a variety of feelings including: anger, sadness, disbelief and, at some point, acceptance. You may not experience theses feelings in a specific order. Accept whatever you're feeling and nurture yourself during this difficult time.

2. Reach out and develop a support system. If the betrayal was life-altering, it's alright to spend some days crying in bed. At some point, however, you need to spend time with other people. Try to list five to ten people you trust. Call, at least, one each day to let them know how you're doing. If one person isn't available, choose another. People who love you will want to help, if you let them.

3. Acknowledge the reality. Pretending a marital infidelity is no big deal won't make things better for you or your spouse. Face the truth. While this is painful, remember nothing will change if you ignore the problem. When emotions get cloudy, stick to the facts. Facts don't lie. If you feel the need, ask questions about the betrayal. If the betrayer wants to mend the relationship, honesty on their part is vital. The truth empowers you to move forward and make necessary changes in your life.

4. Don't follow a time frame for forgiveness. Mending a relationship after a betrayal is difficult. Only you will know when you feel you can trust the betrayer again. "Making nice" for the sake of the other person or your family, only leads to more resentment. Rebuilding trust takes as long as it takes. Don't rush yourself if you truly want to heal.

Tips & Warnings

• If you find you're stuck in your feelings of revenge, sadness, hopelessness and anger, seek professional help. Uncomfortable feelings are normal in a situation of betrayal, but these feelings, if consistent over time, may mean a clinical depression.

References

• Psychology Today: Shattered Trust
• Dr. Phil.com: Advice on How to Give and Receive Support
• Dr. Phil.com: Advice on How to Change Your Relationship with a Liar

Resources

• "Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder;" Dennis C. Ortman; 2009