How to Live With Someone Who Does Not Respect You

The occasional eye roll is inevitable, but over-the-top disrespectful behavior calls for consequences.

Living in an atmosphere of disrespect wears on your nerves. Ask anyone with a teenager and you will hear how awful it is to have someone treat you rudely in your own home. Let's be honest, though. In any family there will be moments of disrespect, and you can't punish your kids for every eye roll. Even the best parents and spouses slip up every now and then. If disrespect is a daily occurrence or extreme, then the time has come to take action.

Instructions

1. Lead by example. You can't expect respect when you don't give it. Successful families treat each other, the majority of the time, with kindness, understanding and dignity. If you find yourself screaming at your kids on a regular basis or criticizing your spouse constantly, then you may need a lesson in basic respect. Head to the kid's section of any library and ask for some books on how to treat people considerately.

2. Set some ground rules. Hopefully, you've read your kindergarten book on etiquette. Now it's time to let everyone know a new sheriff is in town. Write the basics down on poster board, if necessary, so there's no confusion. For example, write in big letters, "Calling someone stupid, in any way, shape or form is disrespectful." The person who breaks this rule can expect consequences.

3. Follow through. Give the kids consequences for disrespect and praise when they are respectful. Every kid loves something, whether a cell phone, car privileges, a bike, Barbies, baseball and the like. Consistently shelve, for a few days, a favorite thing each time you are disrespected.

4. Use the same frame of reference from steps 1 through 3 for the adults in your life. Believe it or not, handling childish behavior in adults is pretty much how you handle it with kids. The consequences, however, are different. Any disrespectful adults in the house also need to understand that poor behavior will not be tolerated.

5. Remove yourself from the situation. Say you are in a relationship where you've grown accustomed to someone yelling, swearing and, in a nutshell, treating you badly. When this individual rears a Mr. Hyde, do not engage in conversation. Simply say, "I'm sorry you are upset, but I cannot talk to you when you act like this. I will be happy to talk about this issue when you have calmed down." Walk away. The same goes for sarcastic belittling remarks. Say, "I don't find your remarks funny. Please stop talking to me in this way."

Tips & Warnings

• Anyone experiencing physical or emotional abuse from someone within the home should seek help from a professional. Call 911 or the local battered women's shelter if the situation has reached a frightening level.

References

• Empowering Parents: Disrespectful Child Behavior: Where Do You Draw the Line?
• Dr. Robyn Silverman: 10 Tips on Teaching Respect to Children: You Can't Get it If You Don't Give It