How to Get Your Husband to Speak Nicely to You

Threats and intimidation are signs of verbal abuse.

Emotional and verbal abuse can be, in its own way, as damaging and harmful as its physical equivalent. If your husband routinely uses insults, threats, lies or other manipulative tactics to force you to do what he wants and it is taking a toll on your mental and emotional well being, then you should consider taking steps to get this behavior to stop.

Instructions

1. Confront your husband directly, if you feel safe in doing so. Explain to your husband plainly the impact that his words have on you and give examples of his behavior. Tell him that you won't accept his abuse any more. Your tone and demeanor should be assertive, but not accusatory. Let him know that you are willing to discuss ways of helping him change and give him room to express regret if he is really sincere.

2. Set clear boundaries for what you will and will not tolerate from your husband. For example, if your husband has a habit of using insults and derogatory language to control you, let him know the words you won't allow him to use any more, and tell him why. If he has threatened you in the past, tell him he must never do this again.

3. Enforce consequences for your husband's actions. Use the power you have in the relationship not to punish your husband but to protect yourself by stopping the abuse. Send the message that he can't control you through his abusive tactics, but that you are willing to listen when he treats you respectfully. Offer to seek counseling, either together or separately, and get the advice and support of friends and family.

4. Put a backup plan in place, if you have ever felt physically unsafe around your husband. Tell a counselor or therapist what is going on, and ask to be connected to resources in the community, such as a women's shelter. Have the phone number ready of someone you can call in an emergency. Don't wait for the situation to get out of control. If you feel unsafe, protect yourself by leaving.

References

• Help Guide; Domestic Violence and Abuse; Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships
• Mayo Clinic; Domestic Violence Towards Women - Recognize the Patterns and Seek Help; 2007