How to Deal With Childhood Lying
Virtually every parent has to deal with childhood lying as part of his child's development. In a Center for Effective Parenting article, Kristen Zolten and Nicholas Long report that, "How lying is handled often depends on the age of the child, the specific situation, and the established family rules about lying." They say the most common reasons for childhood lying are to avoid punishment, obtain a desired object or result, or impress peers and parents. To fight lying, build honesty into your child's character, while resisting the temptation to overreact.
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Instructions
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Lying by Preschoolers
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Realize that preschool-age children often have a difficult time drawing the line between factual truth and their own imaginations. They also do not yet comprehend that lying is wrong. Calm down before addressing the lie your young child has just uttered, so you do not confuse him with your anger and lose an opportunity to teach your child the value of honesty.
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Listen for sheer entertainment value if your child is telling you an obvious tall tale about super powers or the like, without redirecting her toward the truth. However, if your child is exaggerating the facts in a real story, you can interject comments that bring her back to reality. For example, the Center for Effective Parenting website suggests that if a child says something like, "I can ride my tricycle 100 miles an hour," a parent could reply, "You wish you could ride that fast, don't you?"
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Do not get angry or punish your preschool-age child who is caught telling a lie to get his way. Simply inform the child that lying is wrong, and that it is important to tell the truth. Then ask the child to tell you the truth about the matter, and praise him for doing so. Say something like, "It makes mom and dad happy when you tell us the truth, because we know that we can trust you."
Lying in Older Children
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Model honesty for your older children. By the time your child is 6 or 7 years old, she knows that lying is wrong, so be a role model, suggests pediatrician Vincent Iannelli on Keep Kids Healthy. If your children regularly observe you lying to get out of trouble or to get what you want, they will follow suit. Conversely, if your children witness you telling the truth, they are more likely to internalize the value of truth and practice honesty of their own volition.
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Try to figure out the motive behind a child's occasional lying. If your child lied to escape the consequences of a poor choice, focus on the poor choice instead of the lie. Deal with the real situation, and when it is cleared up, remind your child of the importance of telling the truth. Tell him that every time he tells the truth, you trust him more. Give your child a natural consequence for lying, such as a written report on the importance of telling the truth.
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Handle persistent lying differently than isolated incidents. Seek professional help to identify what is behind the excessive lying, so your child's fears or emotional pain can be relieved.
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Tips & Warnings
Don't reprimand your child if he comes forward with a truth you know was difficult for him to admit. Praise him for trusting you and work with him to rectify the situation. Give the child a natural consequence for the misbehavior, but offer thanks and reinforcement for the truth.
Do not try to trick your child into lying. Instead of asking her whether she did something you know she did, simply address the misbehavior. If you tempt her to lie, you only compound the behavioral issues you must address.
References
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