How to Make Amends Without Accepting Fault

Let someone know you're ready to make amends by writing a letter or calling her.

Arguments and fights can occur between anyone, especially those you are close with. Such quarrels can result in people becoming estranged and refusing to talk to one another for days, months or even years. While it's rarely ever easy, two people must make amends before they can resume their previous relationship. Even if you're not the one who caused the rift, you can make amends with someone without accepting fault.

Instructions

1. Reflect on the reason you and the other person are at odds. Think about the situation that caused the rift and be sure that you are completely past what happened and ready to move on. If you're not ready to move on but act like you are, the resentment and negative feelings you have toward the situation may come out later and cause more problems between you and the person.

2. Think about what you want to say to the person. Why is making amends important to you? Don't plan on rehashing the situation that caused you and the person to fight in the first place. Instead, barely mention it and plan to say something like "I've been thinking about you a lot lately and I just want us to put the past behind us. What's done is done and I'm completely over it."

3. Contact or approach the person you want to make amends with. Explain your intentions and reasoning for wanting to talk. Be emotionally prepared in case the person is still upset and doesn't want to talk to you. Generally the person who did something wrong is the one to make the first move, but you can if making amends is important to you.

4. Talk with the person you want to mend fences with. Tell the person how much you care about her and why making amends with her is important to you. Be careful to not accept any blame or fault on your part. Stay calm and collected and refuse to let the conversation escalate into yelling or screaming if emotions start to run high.

5. Agree to not talk about the situation again. After you and the person have successfully made amends, mutually decide to bury the situation that caused you to fight and vow to never speak of it again. If you both refuse to speak of the situation, there is less chance of it coming back and wreaking havoc on your relationship again.

References

• "Redbook" Magazine; "How to Make Up with a Friend;" Ellen Welty
• Find the Top; "Top Tips to Make Up with a Friend;" Hans; June 9, 2010