How to Explain Without Emotion

Explaining without emotion helps you clearly express your viewpoint.

When a person is emotional about an issue, it can significantly hinder communication. Anger is by far the most disruptive emotion to communication, because it often leads to arguments. When in an angry or frustrated state, the emotional party rarely listens to the other parties involved in the conversation and often fails to communicate effectively. Angry parties tend to jump to conclusions, and can benefit from slowing down to analyze what needs to be said, and how it should be stated.

Instructions

1. Listen to the other party's perspective. Communication is a two-way street. Listening is just as important as speaking during conversation, if not more so. Make a sincere effort to listen to what the other party has to say, as it will encourage the other party to listen to your explanation. Maintain an attentive posture and eye contact to display your interest in hearing the other party's perspective. This will also help to disconnect you from your own feelings momentarily. Merely waiting for another person to finish just so you can interject what you are anxious to say does not constitute proper listening.

2. Evaluate what the other party is saying, and try to understand their point-of-view. Once you listen to the other party, try to understand their perspective. Silently question yourself about why this person is communicating these things to you, as it's is an effective way to relate to the person's message. This will take you completely out of your emotional state, and allow you to see things clearly. Before expressing your thoughts, acknowledge the person by saying something like, "I never saw it that way," or "That's an interesting perspective."

3. Find a metaphor or analogy to externalize your message. When you use examples or stories pertaining to others, it helps remove you from your own emotions and makes the conversation about something other than you. If you can think of a quick story or anecdote that directly relates to your feelings, inject it into your explanation at this point.

4. Express your viewpoint without using emotional language. In her book "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense," Dr. Suzette Haden Elgin refers to this sort of speech as "computer mode." Just as in the previous step, work to externalize your statements as much as possible, and stick with only simple factual statements. Analytic statements starting in phrases like, "It is common for people to..." or "Upon further evaluation...," create a non-emotional delivery, and offer an authoritative and rational voice to the discussion.

References

• American Psychological Association: Controlling Anger Before it Controls You
• Why Tech Comm; Ode to the Passive Voice; Kristi Leach