How to Deal With Moving in With a Husband With Kids

Take time to get to know your partner's routine with his kids.

Blended families are becoming more common in America. Although moving in with a spouse with kids can be very challenging and stressful, the experience can be rewarding once your new family settles into a comfortable routine. There are many things to consider when you are making the transition, and it is important to be sensitive to the thoughts, feelings and concerns of everyone involved.

Instructions

1. Prepare yourself to face challenges. Expecting your blended family to be perfect from the get-go will leave you inevitably frustrated and disappointed. Understand that your new family will take significant time and dedication to come to know and accept you.

2. Spend time getting to know your partner's kids before you move in. Spend time with them in their house, so that they get used to your presence. Get to know the children --- find out their interests and hobbies and make an effort to participate in family activities, such as trips, picnics and celebrations. It may take some time for them to warm up and open up to you; so, be sure to be patient and understanding.

3. Familiarize yourself with your partner's schedule and gradually merge your schedule with his, if your partner has full custody of his children. Taking care of kids involves sticking to a regular routine --- picking up the kids from school, driving them to sporting practices and school events, scheduling doctor's appointments and helping them with homework. Work out a way to become actively involved and stick to the schedule.

4. Create an open environment where both your partner and his children can feel comfortable expressing their frustrations and concerns. Let them know that you care and that you are willing to listen. Your moving in will be a big change for everyone involved and any pent-up frustration can negatively impact your relationship with your partner and stepchildren. Suggest a family meeting or an informal conversation over dinner where you will be able to address any issues.

5. Take time to nurture yourself. During a stressful time, it is easy to get caught up in the commotion and let stress levels escalate. Taking half an hour to read a book, meeting a friend for coffee or getting your nails done will give you that little bit of space you need to regroup and recharge. Although blended families involve spending a lot of time as a unit, it is important to set aside some time for yourself to avoid feeling overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted.

Tips & Warnings

• Do not let your stepchildren see any frustration or anxiety you may be feeling. Seeing you frustrated and upset will push them away and make them less likely to open up to you about any frustrations they themselves might be feeling. If you are overwhelmed, step away from the situation and calm down before addressing it again.

References

• Helpguide: Guide to Step-Parenting and Blended Families
• Becoming One Family: Bringing Blended Families Together; Steve Houpe and Donna Houpe; 2008