How to Help Prevent Fights With Your Boyfriend

Physical abuse or intimidation is never acceptable.

Disagreements can help bring two people closer if they are resolved in a timely, compassionate manner. People work through disagreements by communicating with the other person and ultimately coming to an understanding. If your disagreements turn into fights that include yelling, emotional or physical abuse, and occur frequently, seek the help of a licensed counselor. Otherwise, prevent fights with your boyfriend by curbing problem behaviors, communicating often and spending one-on-one time together.

Instructions

1. Talk to your boyfriend during a time when both of you are calm and able to spend a few hours alone together. Ask him to list the primary reasons he gets upset with you. Listen quietly and don't interrupt. Then ask him what he thinks you should do to avoid those behaviors.

2. Ask your boyfriend if he is willing to listen while you talk. Tell him what makes you get upset and what you'd like to see him do differently. If he interrupts, remind him that you listened patiently and that you are doing this to create a better relationship, not to place blame or create guilt.

3. Make a pact to work on the aspects you are both willing to change. Make sure these changes are within reason and do not compromise who you are or your beliefs. Schedule a time once per week to check in with each other to see if you're abiding by the pact. If you both are, thank and congratulate each other. If you're not, decide what can be done differently.

4. Choose one phrase that both of you can say if you feel a fight looming. This can be as simple as, "I love you but I need my space for an hour." Come to an agreement that when either person says that phrase, you will give each other at least an hour of thinking time, alone. During this time, visualize how you can resolve the potential fight before it even starts.

5. Come together after the hour of thinking time and avoid yelling or saying hurtful, unhelpful things. Instead, concentrate on what you visualized. If you can't come to an agreement, end the fight by agreeing to disagree, or agreeing to discuss this topic again at a later date.

6. Reward yourselves with a fun date to celebrate when a week goes by without an ugly fight. Congratulate yourselves for any disagreements that you resolved in a respectful, mature way.

Tips & Warnings

• Seek counseling immediately if fights contain emotional or physical abuse. Do not fight where children can hear you.

References

• Zorpia; Stop Arguing with Your Boyfriend; Nov. 2010