How to Deal With Parents That Won't Discipline Their Child

Learn how to address parents of unruly children politely.

Other people's unruly children can create awkward social situations. You don't want to be harsh with them because they're not your children and you don't want to seem like a bully. Yet if their own parents won't intervene to curb their continuing misbehavior, you may feel frustrated and annoyed. If you have a small child, he may feel threatened by the unruly child. Though not every instance may end pleasantly, there are several steps you can take that can make these situations less uncomfortable.

Instructions

Addressing the Parents

1. Avoid yelling or shouting. Though you may be initially alarmed or appalled by an unruly child's behavior, being harsh with her parents will not solve the problem.

2. Speak to the parents gently about the outcome of their unruly child's behavior, rather than the child herself. If you speak about the child directly, her parents may interpret your comments as a personal attack on her; they will probably take this personally themselves, and this will not improve the situation. Instead, point out the unpleasant effects that her behavior has on others. For instance, instead of saying, "Your child is being very annoying right now," say "Your child's making it hard for the other kids to play right now."

3. If the parents still refuse to discipline their child, you may want to find a way to exit the scene, if possible. Decide whether it's worth it to endure the child's misbehavior, and act accordingly.

Bypassing the Parents

1. If the unruly child's behavior poses an immediate physical threat to himself or to your child, bypass the parents and intervene directly. Move your child out of harm's way.

2. Reprimand the unruly child gently and firmly. Avoid yelling or shouting at them; if you raise your voice at the child, this will immediately put her parents on the defensive and the situation will become unnecessarily tense.

3. Notify the child's parents of the misbehavior after you intervene, if they haven't gotten involved already. Sometimes parents get distracted and don't notice their child's behavior, but they will certainly notice you intervening to prevent it. Mention the misbehavior gently; many parents will be embarrassed enough that you had to get involved before they did, so there is no need to be harsh.

References

• Circle of Moms: When Another Parent Disciplines Your Child; Mary Beth Sammons; June 2011