How to Make Children Understand Rules
Although it can be demanding, setting and enforcing rules early on will ensure that your child grows into a respectful, happy and healthy young adult. Many parents forget that their children don't innately understand boundaries or consequences. To help children understand and obey rules, parents must clearly explain each rule, why it is in place and what the consequences will be if it is broken. The effectiveness of a rule is never determined by the child, but by the parents and how willing they are to enforce it.
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Instructions
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Keep your cool. Never establish a rule or administer a punishment out of anger, but out of a desire to promote discipline and good behavior. If you set a rule when you are angry, chances are that you will not properly explain or enforce it.
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Establish a rule with a clear statement. Be sure to qualify the rule with a time frame and/or conditions. Kids often don't understand that what isn't acceptable now won't be acceptable later. They also have difficulty grasping that some things are OK in certain situations but not others. For example, you might tell a 3-year-old, "You are never allowed to touch the kitchen knives." For a pre-teen, you might instead say, "You are only allowed to use the kitchen knives when I am supervising you."
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Explain why a rule is in place. Keep your explanation simple and avoid undermining the child. To continue with the example of kitchen knives, you could say, "This rule is in place for safety. Knives are very sharp and dangerous if not used properly." Avoid saying something degrading, such as, "This rule is in place because you are too immature and irresponsible to handle knives."
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State clearly what will happen if your child breaks a rule. Be sure to use language that reinforces cause and effect. For example, "If you break this rule, you will get a 10-minute time out."
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Allow your child to ask questions about the rules. With older children, you may want to have a dialogue about whether it would be appropriate to change the rule or consequence of breaking it. While this discussion is acceptable before a rule is broken, it should never take place afterward. After breaking a rule, it is only natural for a child to try to avoid the punishment. Do not allow children to whine or beg their way out of the consequences of their behavior.
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Praise your child's good behavior when he follows a rule. This will reinforce the importance of the rule and may prevent the child from ever breaking it again. It is important to help the child understand that just as breaking a rule produces an unfavorable outcome, following the rules produces rewards.
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Follow through with the consequences every time a rule is broken. Although it may be unpleasant or inconvenient to do so, your child will only understand and respect rules when they are enforced. For this reason, it is best to never threaten your child with a punishment that you don't intend to administer.
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Talk with your child about why she broke a rule and what she could have done differently after you have administered the punishment.
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Remind your child of a rule if he is about to break it. You could say, "Remember that you are not allowed to touch the knives. You will get a time out if you do." Chances are that he will back down. This is a good way to maintain your authority while preventing your child's behavior from escalating.
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Tips & Warnings
It is never acceptable to punish your child by harming him physically, degrading him or depriving him of basic needs.
References
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