How to Deal with a Difficult Spouse

By reacting emotionally you give your difficult spouse more control over you.

If you are in relationship with a person who shouts for no reason one moment and turns soft the next, chances are you're dealing with a difficult person. Difficult people behave unpredictably to throw others off-balance and get their say. People on the receiving end of difficult behaviors often react in anger or in defense of their actions, both of which can be detrimental to the person and the relationship. With some smart techniques, you can handle your difficult spouse.

Instructions

1. Avoid responding to your difficult spouse's behavior by getting angry or going defensive. Either action infuriates your difficult spouse and aggravates his behavior, which leads to meaningless arguments. Remain calm instead and ask your spouse what's wrong and why he is behaving the way he is.

2. Listen to the reason your spouse gives for her difficult behavior. Analyze for facts and accept accusations that are reasonable. For example, if your spouse says, "You don't really care for me. I told you about this function in advance. Yet, you show up late." If what she says about informing you beforehand is a fact, accept it. Refuse to accept her exaggerated accusation that you don't care for her. "It's true that you informed me beforehand, but I had a problem at office at the last minute. Hence, I couldn't make it within time. I can accept your anger, but it's unreasonable to say I don't care just because of this incident." Putting it this way shows your sensitivity for her feelings of anger and simultaneously prevents you from becoming defensive.

3. Set limits if your spouse becomes increasingly difficult just for the sake of getting his own way. Tell him that his behavior is unacceptable and that he has to learn to make compromises. Refuse to accede to your spouse's difficult ways in issues that are of importance to you.

4. Endure your spouse's difficult behavior if you strongly feel the relationship is worth it. If your spouse becomes physically or psychologically abusive, end the relationship.

References

• Psychology Today; Dealing with Difficult People; Nando Pelusi, Ph.D.; September 2006
• Help In Marriage; How To Deal With Difficult Spouse; April 2011