How to Deal With Overly Critical Parents as an Adult

Hearing constant criticism from your parents is often hard to handle.

While nobody likes hearing criticism, it is not always necessarily a bad thing. In fact, constructive criticism, when delivered properly, can prevent a person from making mistakes while helping them improve areas of their life. It is no surprise then that overly critical parents exist. After all, who wants the best for a person more than the parents? Unfortunately, wanting the best for their offspring can often lead to the adult child feeling insecure and lacking in confidence. Minimizing the negative effects of your overly critical parents depends entirely on how you deal with it.

Instructions

1. Practice being positive. This may seem easier said than done but the more positive you are, the less any critical comments will hurt you. Concentrate on your qualities, especially attributes you have received compliments for in the past. You may be a good friend, a loving partner or a hard-working parent. Remember just because it is your parents who are doing the criticizing, it does not make them right.

2. Acknowledge when you are genuinely wrong or if your actions warrant criticism, advises a Florida University Extension website article. For example, if they constantly criticize you for being messy, and you are untidy, your parents may believe they are giving you constructive criticism. Agreeing when you are wrong shows you are willing to accept your mistakes and they will have one less thing to criticize.

3. Train yourself to not be overly-apologetic. If you are wrong, it is fine to say I am sorry and things can move forward. Do not apologize if you are not in the wrong. This will make you appear weak and gives them a license to keep on criticizing you.

4. Address the issue. Sit down with both your parents and explain how their criticizing makes you feel. Stick to the facts, be polite and try not to get overly emotional. Your parents may see criticism as guidance. In their own misguided way, they are trying to protect you, says psychotherapist Jane Levin for her website. When they realize how this makes you feel, it may be enough to make them stop.

Tips & Warnings

• Surround yourself with positive people. Being the constant subject of criticism can seriously damage a person's confidence. Spend time with people who make you happy and appreciate you for who you are.

• If, no matter what you say or do, your parents continue to criticize you or make you feel inadequate, then you do not have to stand for it. Only speak to them when you have to and keep visits short and sweet.

References

• University of Florida Extension; Coping With Criticism; Marilyn K. Lesmeister
• Julie Levin; Help for Adult Children of Critical Parents; Julie Levin, MFT
• Hefter; Why are Many Parents Overly Critical; Terry Hefter, L.L.C

Resources

• "Working With Toxic Older Adults"., Gloria M. Davenport, et.al, 1999