How to Give Someone a Compliment

Be specific -- tell her what it is you like about her look.

It is difficult to overstate the value of a genuine, sincere, well-timed compliment. Letting those around you know that you admire and appreciate them makes them feel confident and improves your relationships. But there is an art to complimenting someone. A poorly timed or ill-considered compliment can be awkward or seem manipulative. Exercise a little thought, consideration and foresight to make sure people receive your compliments well.

Instructions

1. Speak with sincerity. Only compliment someone with whom you are genuinely impressed and appreciative. Do not compliment someone just because you think you should. A shrewd observer know the difference, and your compliment will come across as pandering or empty flattery.

2. Snap to it. Compliment someone as soon as you notice something compliment-worthy. Waiting an hour in to a conversation to mention that you like someone's hair causes awkward pauses.

3. Point out specifics. Avoid general, generic compliments like "you look nice" or "good job." Instead, remark on what you find particularly striking in this person's appearance, or what specifically impressed you about the job.

4. Ask follow-up questions. Paying someone a compliment as a closed, declarative statement leaves the person with nothing else to say, except "thank you." Lead the complimented person into conversation by asking questions. For example, instead of just telling someone what you like about a job he did, try something like this: "Great job on that last project. You really had some innovative ideas, and you showed great leadership through the whole thing. Was it hard getting everyone on board with you?"

5. Avoid the backhand. Refrain from coupling or qualifying your compliment with anything negative. You may have the best intentions, but saying something like "you did a much better job than you usually do" will only come across as insulting.

References

• Esquire: The Perfect Compliment: Tom Chiarella