How to Gently End a Friendship
Friends are an important part of life. They share our interests, encourage our dreams, and call us out on our drama. Aristotle went so far as to say, "Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies." Thus, when a particular friendship becomes toxic, or when we begin to notice that we have grown irreparably apart from one of our friends, it can be extremely difficult to end the friendship. You should never rush the decision to say goodbye permanently to a friend, but if you must do it, use a gentle but firm approach.
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Instructions
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Sit down and write out a list of pros and cons associated with your current friendship. Consider carefully the advice given by Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., on The Friendship Blog, "Nobody's perfect and friends, even very good ones, can say or do something wrong once in a while. If there has been a minor misunderstanding or disappointment, talk about it." Evaluate your finished list, and if you still feel that you need to end your friendship, proceed to the next step.
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Allow yourself to simply drift away from the friend in question if your relationship was never extremely deep. Simply stop calling, texting and chatting on social-networking sites. Do not respond to a few of this friend's contacts and he will get the message pretty quickly that you are not interested in continuing the friendship. This gentle means of ending a friendship will not work with friends that have been extremely close to you, as it does not appropriately honor the time you have shared together.
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Meet face to face with a person that has at one time been a close friend, so that you can gently end the relationship in a tactful manner. Come prepared with a solid speech on why you feel the relationship needs to end, so that you do not chicken out at the last minute or say something that you later regret. Deliver your speech in a sincere, gentle tone.
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Take responsibility for your choice to end the friendship. Do not use this opportunity to vent all of your pent-up frustrations that have accumulated over the course of your association. Acknowledge that you feel the relationship is toxic, has irreconcilable differences, or is no longer mutually beneficial, but do not blame this on your friend. Just state the facts and make it clear that you do not wish to continue the relationship.
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Give your friend a chance to respond to what you have just said, but do not budge if your decision is final. Acknowledge your friend's frustrations or sadness over ending the relationship and end by affirming or validating the individual as a person. Make it clear that you believe he is valuable and is sure to have terrific friendships in the future.
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Tips & Warnings
Stick to your guns after ending a friendship by not calling or contacting the person at a later date. This will make it easier for both of you to move on and form new, healthy friendships.
Do not shut yourself off to new friends, even if you have had a particularly horrible experience with someone. Each friendship is different and it is not fair to make others pay for your ex-friend's mistakes. This will only hurt you, as it will make you lonelier than you need to be in life.
References
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