How to Deal With Adult Children Who Are Angry About a New Marriage

Step-family issues cause marital strife.

There are times when a seemingly together adult can behave like a child, and one potential cause of this behavior is when a parent remarries. Even as an adult your child may not accept this type of change in your life; a new stepparent is a huge adjustment. Dealing with anger and resentment from an adult child is difficult, but it can be dealt with and overcome with time.

Instructions

1. Speak to the child. Tell him that you are not trying to introduce yourself into the family as his new parent only that you love his mom or dad and want to be a part of his life as a friend and family member. Explain that in an effort to keep his mom or dad happy, you need to work on your issues with one another and create an amicable relationship with one another.

2. Talk to your new spouse; allow him to talk to his adult child about her anger. Sometimes adult children could view your attempt at reconcilement as intrusive and unwelcome. Asking her parent to break the ice initially could open the door for you two to speak.

3. Agree to respect one another. A mature, successful relationship with anyone begins with respect. In addition, if grandchildren are in the picture you want to ensure that the grandchildren are not caught in the middle of an angry, unhappy relationship between his parents and grandparents.

4. Allow the child to set the pace of your relationship. Anytime your stepchild makes an effort to invite you to an event, accept the invitation. Baby steps are important to a successful future relationship.

Tips & Warnings

• Draw the line somewhere if the anger felt toward you is immense. You don't want to have family gatherings where young children are present and forced to bear witness to anger and resentment; it isn't healthy.

References

• Help Guide: Guide to Step Parenting