How to Forgive a Son

The parent-son relationship is worth fighting for.

The parent-son bond is one of the most intimate and important human relationships. It is not only one of the closest social relationships one can have, it is also one of the closest familial relationships. Try as we may, however, we cannot control the actions of our progeny. Sometimes the son will act in a way that is hurtful or morally wrong. If you value your relationship with your son above his shortcomings, it is important forgive your son and reconcile the damaged relationship. Forgiveness is a difficult emotional journey, but a well laid plan will help you on your path.

Instructions

1. Relate your hurt feelings. Talk to someone you trust about how your son's actions have made you feel. This could be a spouse, sibling, close friend or even therapist.

2. Embrace your hurt feelings and decide what you want those feelings to turn into. The pain that comes from a slight from someone you love can be unbearable but you must embrace it as a fact. Envision how you can turn the pain into something more productive.

3. Empathize with your son. It is important to put yourself into your sons shoes when he was committing the acts that hurt you. Think back to times you have hurt other people and remember how it felt as the offender.

4. Let go of your hurt feelings. The hurt itself might never go away, but it is important to renounce those feelings in order to look toward the future. Your relationship with your son will never be the same if you do not let those feelings go.

5. Tell your son that his is forgiven. It is important to include your son in the process because healing has to happen for both of you. Make absolutely clear why you are hurt, but also absolutely clear that he is forgiven.

Tips & Warnings

• Seek the help of an unbiased professional mediator to aid in the process of forgiveness.

References

• Spiritual Growth Network; Forgiveness: 14 Steps; Paschal Baute; 1993
• "Dare to Forgive; Edward M. Hallowell, M.D.; 2004