How to Decrease Overbearingness in Parents

All kids want to have a good relationship with their parents.

A study done by the Kansas State University Counseling Service shows that children raised in dysfunctional families -- which includes overbearing, controlling parents -- are prone to having difficulty maintaining healthy relationships and trusting others. Overbearing parents cause children to grow into adults with self-esteem and control issues. An overbearing parent can be anyone from a control freak to an alcoholic; these types of parents do not allow children to make their own decisions, preventing them from becoming functioning adults. Being the child of overbearing parents is not simple at any age, and while you cannot change the behavior of others you can attempt to regain control of your own life by addressing the issue with your parents.

Instructions

1. Speak to your parents in a structured setting. Schedule a date and time where you can speak to your parents concerning their overbearing behavior. A controlled environment makes the conversation more simple. You should not wait until you cannot handle it anymore and blow up at your parents in an emotional state; it will not accomplish anything.

2. Ask your parents to identify the root of their overbearing issues. Perhaps they grew up with parents that did not take an interest in their lives, therefore overcompensating for their parents' lack of interest by smothering you and disallowing you to make your own decisions. There could be a trust issue; if your parents had you at a young age or rebelled heavily as teens they could live in a perpetual fear that you will do the same if they do not micromanage every aspect of your life. People learn from their mistakes and perhaps the root of the problem is that your parents do not want you to make the same mistakes as they did. Knowing the root of the problem is an important starting point to resolving the issue.

3. Tell your parents how their overbearing behavior makes you feel and that you would appreciate them stepping backing a bit. Something important to keep in mind is that overbearing, controlling parents often behave this way for fear of becoming obsolete to their children. Explain to your parents that you love and respect them but that you need to make your own decisions and live your own life. You will ask for help when you need it and come to them for advice when you want to.

4. Develop a compromise with your parents. Choose the most difficult aspects of their overbearing behavior and work on one at a time. You should be patient with your parents as they probably don't see any problem with their behavior, which makes it difficult to change.

5. Stop responding to your parent's behavior. If they are unwilling to work on their issues in an effort to build a healthier, better relationship with you, stop acknowledging their behavior. Call and visit them on your terms and do not engage in their behavior by acknowledging their advice or opinions. Maintain your distance; oftentimes this can help them to realize that you meant what you said during your talk with them and that you won't put up with their overbearing behavior any longer.

Tips & Warnings

• Unfortunately, not all families can overcome the problem of overbearing families. While you don't want to cut your parents out of your life, you should consider minimizing your contact with them in an effort to take control over yourself and stop allowing your parents to overstep their boundaries with their control issues.

References

• Kansas State University: Dysfunctional Families