How to Give Oral Sex to a Woman

The term for oral sex with a woman is “cunnilingus.” It comes from the Latin cunnus for vulva, women’s external genitals, and lingere, to lick. Licking a woman’s vulva is a lot like kissing her lips: The basics are pretty simple, but there are countless creative variations that keep it interesting, fresh, passionate, and fun. “Cunnilingus is among the most intimate sexual experiences two people can enjoy together,” says sex therapist Louanne Weston, Ph.D.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Get familiar with the basics. Women’s external genitals include the fleshy outer vaginal lips, the thinner pink inner lips, the ****oris nestled under the ****oral hood at the upper junction of the vaginal lips, the vaginal opening, and the erotically sensitive urethral sponge between the ****oris and vagina. Basic cunnilingus involves licking the vulva from the vaginal opening to the ****oris. As women become sexually aroused, their outer vaginal lips fill with extra blood, which parts them somewhat, exposing the inner lips and the sensitive tissue between them.
2. Understand the differences. The tongue is much softer than fingers, so it can provide the gentlest possible stimulation of the ****oris and vulva. For many women the gentleness of oral sex is what makes it so enjoyable.
3. Tell a new lover that you’d like to go down on her. Either say something, or kiss her on the way down--her neck, the tops of her breasts, her nipples, her belly, so she gets the idea where you’re headed. You might check in saying, "I’d like to keep going down. It that okay?" Move down slowly.
4. Make sure you're in a comfortable position. Lying on the bed on your stomach between the woman’s legs might strain your neck. You might slip a pillow under the woman’s hips to raise her a bit. Or you might coax her butt to the side of the bed and kneel on the floor to lick her.
5. Begin slowly--and very gently. Don’t dive into cunnilingus all at once. Start by nuzzling, kissing, and licking her inner thighs and the area around her vulva. Anticipation of cunnilingus can feel very arousing to women. As you move toward her genitals, begin by licking the fleshy outer lips. Run your tongue up and down them. Nibble them gently with your lips. Next, work your tongue in between the outer lips to caress the smaller, thinner inner lips. Then circle the vaginal opening and perhaps insert your tongue--or a finger or two--lovingly inside her vagina.
6. Approach the ****oris very slowly and gently. Some women enjoy a man’s tongue directly on the ****oris. Others find direct ****oral licking too intense, even uncomfortable. They prefer it when the tongue only lightly caresses the ****oris or circles it, which stimulates it, but less directly.
7. Check in with her as you lick: "Is this too intense?," "Do you want it lighter? Or should I bear down more?" Check in often until you're confident that you know her preferences. Then check in periodically after that. Preferences change, or she may just be in the mood for something a little different.
8. Be patient. Some women feel reluctant to discuss their reactions to oral sex. Instead they use "body language." They might squirm if they find a certain lick uncomfortable. Unfortunately, it’s very easy for a man to misinterpret body language and think that when she’s writhing in discomfort, she’s actually in the throes of delight. That’s why it’s important to check in verbally: "Is this too intense?" "Is this okay?"
9. Be gentle while she's having her orgasm and after. Many women experience unusual ****oral sensitivity and don’t like to be touched or licked there. This is normal. If you like "last licks" after she comes, check in about where and when she might like to be licked. If not her ****oris, perhaps her vaginal lips or vaginal opening. Or come up from between her legs and hold her, kiss her, and massage her any way she likes.

Tips & Warnings

• Some women produce fluid on orgasm. If they ejaculate during oral sex, many women feel concerned about "squirting" in the man’s face. This is also an issue for many men. Another issue is the possibility of the man ingesting some of this fluid. Discuss your feelings about this. There’s no right or wrong, just personal preferences. Many men enjoy being very close to the vulva as the woman ejaculates, and have no problem ingesting some of the fluid. It’s safe to ingest. Female ejaculate is not urine, though it may contain some dilute urine. It appears to be chemically closer to prostate fluid, so ingesting it is not all that different from a woman swallowing a man’s semen.