Learn to Talk the Talk

If you look cool enough, eventually, someone is going to talk to you and expect you to talk back, so you don't want to open your mouth and say something like, "David Cassidy is really cool."

Start somewhere safe, like Sonic Youth. You cannot go wrong if you like Sonic Youth. Most people in indie rock likes Sonic Youth, and those who don't are afraid to admit it. So you can talk all night long about what a genius band Sonic Youth is, and nobody will ever think you don't know what you are talking about.

Once you've worn out all possible conversation topics regarding Sonic Youth, move on. The coolest indie rock band is someone nobody has heard of and is on a label that doesn't even exist yet. That's just the way it works. Of course, you can't talk exclusively about bands nobody else knows anything about, and you shouldn't invent bands, either. If you make up a name, you will probably give yourself away.

If you want to look like you know what you are talking about, depth is more important than breadth. And you just need to be deep in one or two places. That is where something like the "Trouser Press Guide" might come in handy (see Resources). It's cross-referenced so you can peruse it and easily pick up information on bands that are related by history, and specifically find out what other bands the members might have been in. That way, when you speak, you transcend simple knowledge by appearing to have a sense of history when you really don't.

For instance, you may look up Built to Spill because you've read about them in some indie 'zine. You see that there is another band cross-listed with Built to Spill called Stuntman. That's a bonus, because Stuntman is still pretty obscure. Where you really rack up the points is by pointing out that both those bands arose out of Treepeople. You couldn't pick Treepeople out of a lineup, but you've just linked three cool bands from Idaho. Who the heck is going to doubt your authority after that?

Or maybe you read about Galaxy 500 and the two bands it spawned: Luna, and Damon and Naomi. Then, when you're at an indie rock show, you can say:

"Yeah, Dean Wareham is such a Lou Reed and Velvet Underground disciple. But it's funny because Galaxy 500 was more about the drone, but Luna has more of the pop-strum feel of 'Loaded.' So he's covered the gamut of Lou's influence in his career. I don't like Damon and Naomi, though. They are way too Lo-Fi. (Pause). You know, I saw Luna open for VU in Prague back in the early '90s on their European reunion tour."

This is a great way of faking indie rock knowledge, because you linked two good indie bands to their parent band, and you referenced them back to Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground. You also recognized the differences between Dean Wareham when he fronted Luna and when he fronted Galaxy 500, and you threw in another VU reference--this time to "Loaded." Be careful not to do too much work for your interlocutor, leaving him an opening to say something like, "Yeah, but 'Loaded' wasn't really a VU record, because John Cale had already left the band by then."

Don't be afraid to not like someone; in the Galaxy 500 example, not only dis Damon and Naomi, but reference an indie sub-genre in your dismissal, as you did with Lo-Fi.

Going for legendary status by claiming you were at arguably the coolest show of the '90s is great, but watch what you reference. If you aren't old enough to have attended that show, for example, you'll reveal that you are trying to look cooler than you are.

Next: Complete the Ruse

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Comments

jamitout said

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on 10/28/2009 Wow. I think I just saw "cool" melt before my eyes.

on 10/28/2009 The most daft, annoying article I have ever read.

Faking anything is asinine, and it makes a complete mockery of any desperate boob who flagrantly emulates trends -- and not to mention, of indie itself.

Indie spawned from independent thought. Go wear your thrift store tshirts, and download VU mp3s, but regurgitating tripe like this will not make you appear anything but transparent and hollow.

And despite this, thank you.
Bumbling louts like you are the reason indie rock exists.

kyoruiko said

on 10/6/2009 Hilarious article, but a good one. What's wrong with introducing people to indie music, pissdagger? I think that was whole point of the article (proof being that the majority of the article focused on the music, not the fashion--of which there is none).

For the uninitiated, let me suggest some great indie bands, who stand out for their musicality and longevity.

Polvo (Merge & Touch & Go),
Stereolab (Duphonic Records)
Sebadoh ( Sub Pop)
The Sea & Cake ( Thrill Jockey)

The 25 to 30+ crowd should appreciate that. The under 25 crowd...well, rep your own ****.

pissdagger said

on 4/20/2009 I am a non-violent person, and I pay my convictions a disservice when I admit to myself and to you that you deserve physical punishment for publishing this.