You're all settled into your new apartment and you're feeling pretty good. The cabinets are fully stocked, the cable's hooked up and IKEA just delivered your snazzy new sofa. In fact, you're sitting on it right now, watching TV. It's not as tough as you think to meet people in your new neighborhood. With a little personality and bit of perseverance, you, too, can have a few wacky neighbor friends to call your own.
You're in a new neighborhood and you don't know a soul. But unless you've relocated to a ghost town (which would explain the "no soul" thing), chances are that you'll see people walking in and out of the apartments and/or houses nearby. These people are called your "neighbors." They also represent socializing prospects, so suck in your shyness and say hello.
Do you remember who said "First impressions count"? Neither do we, but we think you should take those words to heart anyway. Like it or not, your first interactions with your new neighbors will determine your fate--inside of 20 seconds, they'll decide what they think of you. Mess up, and you'll forever be branded. But don't let that stress you out. Adhere to the following, and your first impression will be stellar:
* The spotting. Check out your neighbor from a distance. Is she pushing a baby carriage with one hand and trying to keep screaming kids at bay with the other? If so, now may not be the ideal time to approach her. On the other hand, if your new neighbor is whistling as he moseys inside, hands down in his pockets, smiling at nothing in particular, the timing is probably right.
* The approach. Don't sneak up on your neighbor. Walk in view of her; even wave as you approach. This may sound obvious, but think about how freaked out you'd be to talk to someone who scared the living daylights out of you.
* The greeting. As soon as you reach your new neighbor, introduce yourself in whatever way you feel comfortable. "Hi, I'm Sam. I just moved in," is fine (if your name is Sam, that is). Unless your neighbors are complete social misfits, they will pick up the slack at this point and offer an excited, welcoming reply.
* The conversation. Keep the conversation steered toward common ground: living in the area, neighborhood activities, things to do about town. Most importantly, watch for signs that your new neighbor is finished talking. Don't keep her there any longer than she wants to be there. And don't start asking invasive questions about your neighbor's personal life. In good time, you'll learn more private details. A nice, quick conversation involving something like "What's the best grocery store around these parts?" will be fine.
* The exit. Regardless of what was said or not said, how you finish it off is the most important part of "being friendly." Leave your new neighbor thinking that you are relaxed, easygoing and someone he is going to look forward to running into at a later date. If you followed these steps carefully, odds are, your new neighbor is going to say something like, "Hey, would you like me to show you around some time?"
Besides meeting and greeting people on the street, you could also "invent" a reason to talk to them. We like to call it the "cup of sugar" technique. Yes, it's desperate, but it works. Just go up to your neighbor's door (preferably at a decent hour) and ask to borrow a cup of sugar or some equally nonthreatening ingredient. Maybe you need a screwdriver to put on your new window blinds. Whatever the reason, seize the opportunity to start chatting your neighbor up, perhaps even inviting her over in a couple days to sample the cake/pie/whatever you're making with the help of the ingredient you borrowed. (Remember to actually make the dessert, or they'll be onto you.) If you borrow something, return it immediately. We're talking within the hour.
on 6/15/2009
Wow. Good detail, clearly written and a fun (and funny) style (if your name is Stephen, that is...). It's this article and it's good advice (and instructions!) that is making me now put EHOW in my bookmarks and become a member. Some of these things will really, I think, work. Thanks for writing it. I know a very socially shy person who may benefit greatly.
Comments
cdrates said
on 10/28/2009 great article! I'm going to try some of these things out. It's always hard to meet new and exciting people I find.
marknew91 said
on 6/15/2009 Wow. Good detail, clearly written and a fun (and funny) style (if your name is Stephen, that is...). It's this article and it's good advice (and instructions!) that is making me now put EHOW in my bookmarks and become a member. Some of these things will really, I think, work. Thanks for writing it. I know a very socially shy person who may benefit greatly.