You see all the other drinkers happily purchasing expensive Scotches with 14-syllable names, and you want to join in the fun. But you don't want to get something that only a novice would order or purchase, or something that will make you gag. How can you tell a Glenmorangie from a Laphroaig, and how do you pronounce either of them? It's time to learn how to select a Scotch--along with a bunch of interesting facts that every Scotch aficionado should know.
There are two types of whisky (Scotch whisky is always spelled without the "e") distilled in Scotland: grain and malt. Grain whisky is made from malted barley, unmalted barley and other grains, while malt whisky is made from malted barley alone. Blended Scotch is made from blends of up to 50 different kinds of grain and malt whiskies. Ninety-five percent of the Scotch exported from Scotland is of the blended variety, but that's not because the rest of the world has poor taste; most of the Scotch consumed in Scotland is also blended.
The popularity of blended whisky can probably be explained by two factors: First, it is less strongly-flavored and challenging to the palate than single-malt whiskies; and second, it is usually less expensive. Blends have much less "snob value" than single malts, though, and they don't have as much character or flavor.
Popular blended whiskies include Ballantine's, Hankey-Bannister Bell's, Justerini & Brooks Rare (J&B), Cutty Sark Royal Salut, Dewar's, Teacher's, Green Plaid and The Famous Grouse. Of these, we prefer Dewar's and J&B, but you should try a variety and see which ones you like. The fanciest and most expensive of these is Royal Salut, which comes in a crockery bottle.
If you really want to hang with the cool kids, put the blends away. Single-malt Scotch allows for true discrimination, connoisseurship, lavish spending and unbridled snobbery. The snobbery is, however, tempered by the fact that Scotch is an earthy beverage with strong, smoky flavors, and only those who have truly taken the time to acquire the taste can actually choke down single malts.
Yet single malts make their own friends. Enjoying a single-malt whisky is a complex and varied experience of scent, taste and mouthfeel (which refers to--you guessed it--how the scotch feels in your mouth), and it can be very rewarding. Besides, it's the most expensive thing on the drink menu, so it has to be good and you're going to learn to like it. This reasoning doesn't always work, but in this case, you should definitely believe the hype. That doesn't mean you should buy just any single malt, though.
