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How to Be a Human Guinea Pig

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By Stephen Schneider
eHow Contributing Writer
(7 Ratings)
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Instructions

    Learn About More Involved Types of Experiments

  1. The bigger, poke-and-prodding, higher-paying experiments are usually not one-shot deals. Most will involve multiple visits, and others require you to stay in a hospital for one night or more. While the risks do increase as the experiment becomes more involved, all of the regulated ones are pretty safe.

    Sleep studies, commonly performed by psychiatrists, usually involve interviews/questionnaires, or even induced anxiety (from a mild electric shock) before you go to sleep. Then, through EKG tests and videotape, your sleep patterns will be closely observed.

    These studies do require a decent amount of time--usually 1 or more (but not necessarily consecutive) nights--so they are usually pretty lucrative. In addition, the risks are tiny. It won't necessarily be a comfortable experience--you may be asked to stay awake for as long as you can--but it won't be dangerous.

    * What it generally pays: Usually about $100 per night, for about 1 to 3 nights.

    Some experiments will pay you to ingest illegal drugs or drink alcohol. However, because of the dangerous nature of illegal drugs, these trials are very rare, and usually only performed on real guinea pigs. When these experiments are allowed, rest assured that you will be closely monitored to make sure nothing disastrous happens.

    The alcohol studies are more common; you'll have to drink a certain amount of alcohol, then answer questions and/or have tests performed on you. These also usually take place over more than one session, and you have to be at least 21 years old.

    * What it generally pays: Anywhere from $50 to $100.

    * Possible risks: With illegal drugs, addiction or violent reactions could occur--but this is why these trials are rarely performed. The risk of alcohol poisoning is very small.

    If you submit to clinical trials for experimental drugs, you'll be taking a drug that has yet to be officially approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). But don't worry; it won't be some elixir mixed in a bathtub.

    There are different types of clinical drug trials; the simplest involve a small number of volunteers taking the drug over a certain period of time to test its safety in the human body. In a second type, patients who have a specific ailment can really benefit, and also provide great help to future patients. These are called double-blind placebo trials. Volunteers with a certain ailment (e.g. allergies, acne, hypertension or AIDS) are recruited. Patients are randomly assigned into either a group that is taking the real medication or one that is given a placebo (a fake pill with no "real" medication in it). Neither the patients nor the researchers know if the patient is taking the real medicine or the placebo. The reason scientists use placebos is to make sure the "cure" to an ailment isn't purely mental.

    At the end of the trial, the volunteers find out what they were taking. If the researchers feel that people who take the real medication show significant improvement, the placebo group will get the medication for free and the researchers will use the study as evidence that the drug should be available to all.

    Recently, ethicists have made an outcry against these types of trials, claiming that it isn't right to withhold the drug to those with the ailment. However, if the researchers determine that the drug has a substantial benefit, they can halt the trial early and give everyone the treatment. Besides, the only way to figure out if a medication really works is to compare people who do take it with people who don't.

    If you're worried about bad reactions or side effects of the medication, it's a valid concern. But doctors will always go to great lengths to make sure you're safe. So as long as you answer all of the doctor's questions honestly, any bad reaction will be a completely freak occurrence.

    * What it usually pays: Up to a few hundred dollars; however, some do not pay anything, because the free treatment is considered the compensation.

    * Possible risks: Side reactions to a drug--either mild or severe--although this is very rare. These experiments usually also require many tests and a large time commitment.

Comments  

bioweapon said

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on 11/15/2009 what does one have to do to be made into a real bio weapon? i would be ready for that if the chance came my way.

24robin said

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on 9/27/2009 I am 5'6" and weight 220 med build i don't want to look like this anymore i've never been so heavy i've always been very active until my 2nd child and my back surgery in 05 please help me

24robin said

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on 9/27/2009 please i want to be a human guinea pig I'll do what it takes to lose the weight and be a human guinea pig to do it no questions asked

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