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The prime motivation behind domestic abuse is control and power; the abuser exerts force or manipulates in order to gain dominance over another. According to Helpguide.org, "The abuser doesn't 'play fair.' He or she uses fear, guilt, shame and intimidation to wear you down and gain complete power over you. He or she may threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you."
The abuser utilizes an arsenal of tools guaranteed to eventually break the victim down. Among these are verbal humiliation, isolation, threats, intimidation and denial/blame. Maltreatment that begins as emotional or verbal can escalate into physical with little or no warning.
When someone abuses, he may attempt to blame the victim, stress, substance problems or hereditary traits. None of these are valid excuses; an abuser is always directly responsible, and accountable, for her own behavior. -
One of the best ways to prevent domestic violence is through education. Early lessons about appropriate anger management and conflict negotiation do much to decrease the tendency to violent behavior as resolution. Because people learn much through popular culture, minimize children's exposure to games, music and entertainment that glorify force and violence.
Another way to lessen domestic violence is to donate and volunteer for local charities and shelters. Advocacy is a huge tool in the fight against abuse, since many abuse victims flee their situation with little money or support. By building up these systems, one helps to spread the message that it's safer to leave an ugly situation than to stay. -
There are certain stressors that may facilitate abusive behavior in a home or relationship. While it's not the victim's duty to "fix" an abuser to make life safe or better, it's possible to diffuse negativity. Feelings of frustration, lack of communication and isolation can make a bad situation worse. If these are constant sensations in the relationship, go get help; assistance in the form of a supportive friend, clergy or therapist is great for letting go of steam.
If an argument is getting tense or out-of-control, say to the other party, "I'm feeling like this isn't healthy. We need to stop this." Walk away, get a drink of water or take some calming, deep breaths elsewhere. If the other person is still reactive and you start feeling afraid, leave immediately--always trust your instincts.
Most of all, prevent bad treatment by always cultivating a feeling of security, self-respect and power in yourself. Abusers like easily coerced people with low self-esteem and will avoid people who don't fit this category. Establish and cultivate healthy boundaries along with a no-tolerance policy towards hurtful treatment. Strong, confident behavior will do much to deter would-be abusers before they even start.
