How Does Empty Nest Syndrome Affect a Relationship?
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Not Just A Sitcom
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In the 1980s there was a sitcom titled "Empty Nest" that revolved around a widowed doctor whose adult children have come back to live with him. The show focused on him trying to find new boyfriends or husbands for his daughters so that he could finally live alone again without having to worry about his children. Although some parents may wish for those days when the children leave the home and return only for holidays and laundry, some marriages can suffer from what is called "empty nest syndrome."
Empty Nest Defined
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According to Psychology Today, empty nest syndrome refers to a period in a marriage where the couple's children are no longer dependent on their team parenting skills and have either left the home or are about to leave the home. Once the independence sets in, parents can feel virtually useless and begin longing for the days where the children relied on their every word and move to survive. Once this feeling becomes a dominating emotional state, empty nest syndrome has begun. Although empty nest syndrome can apply to both parents, it is more prevalent in women than men.
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Problems And Solutions
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The problem with empty nest syndrome and marriages is that some marriages have relied on children to keep them together. A married couple with children will often sacrifice their personal wants, needs and time for the betterment of the children. But once the kids are gone, parents are left to deal with each other. If one parent looks forward to this 1-on-1 time while the other is stuck in a depression or anxiety funk over the "missing" children, the relationship can strain. The empty nest parent can spend a lot of time talking solely about the children, sadly reminiscing over the good ol' days, constantly calling the kids and worrying about what they are doing outside of the home. This can leave the opposite partner virtually alone.
Christine Weber, a psychotherapist, suggested that coping with empty nest syndrome is a matter of making a few adjustments that help you stay connected with the child while focusing on your marriage. It is suggested that parents can buy pay-as-you-go cell phones and schedule a once-a-week phone call to stay in touch. Parents can also e-mail their children on a regular basis to let them know about the goings-on in the home and neighborhood.
Couples should also dedicate more time to themselves as individuals while spending time together. A parent may have forgotten a sense of self while the children were around. Do you prefer late mornings or late nights? Is a lobster dinner still appealing to taste buds after years of canned ravioli? Do you and your spouse still enjoy dancing? The more you try to connect with yourself and your spouse while regularly communicating with the children, the less "empty" the nest may feel.
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