How Does an Extramarital Affair Affect Families?

Betrayal of the Spouse

An extramarital affair affects families in a multitude of ways. One of the most devastating effects is the sense of betrayal that the spouse feels upon learning of the affair. Her initial reaction is often extreme anger at the cheating spouse. Some spouses may experience feelings of inadequacy, along with questions about whether they did something wrong to cause the infidelity. Once some time has passed and both partners' emotions have cooled down, the level of resentment usually fades as the couple decides to either heal the marriage or move on.

Home Life

Extramarital affairs cause problems not only in the husband and wife's relationship, but with daily home life. Even if the betrayed spouse does not know of the affair, its effects are still stark. The cheating spouse is gone more frequently, comes home later and her attention is not totally focused on the family when she is at home. Financial issues may arise if the unfaithful spouse is spending money on gifts for his mistress or providing for her bills. The effects of extramarital affairs are like tentacles that reach into nearly every aspect of the family's life.

The Children

The children of the married couple are affected by the extramarital affair because of the increasing absence of one parent. Once an affair is out in the open, the children feel betrayed and rejected. They may experience confusion over why the parent has damaged the family by having the affair, because they are unable to grasp the complex emotional factors which led to that point. If the affair ultimately results in divorce the children may be caught up in an ugly custody dispute, typically feeling protective loyalty toward the betrayed parent.

The Marriage's Future

If a couple decides to stay together and try to make the marriage work following an extramarital affair, the betrayed spouse struggles with feelings of distrust and paranoia surrounding any suspicious behaviors. She fears the repeated loss of her spouse's affection, which leads to extreme efforts to keep her partner happy. The couple's sexual life can be severely impacted as the betrayed spouse lacks the desire to be intimate after her partner has been with someone else.

Even when the couple stays together, the effects of an extramarital affair devastate the entire family because of the tension created in the marital relationship. It is extremely difficult for the victim of the affair to devote a normal amount of emotional energy to the family environment because he is distracted by the serious problems in the marriage. With hard work and dedication some relationships can be saved following an affair; however, the effects are long-lasting and regaining real trust is an enormous challenge.

Resources

• Affairs and Child Custody
• Effects of Extramarital Affairs
• Extramarital Affairs: What Everyone Needs to Know