- When you have an abusive husband, it can be quite difficult to leave him, for a number of reasons. Most of the reasons are emotional -- whether it is that you think you still love him, that you think he still loves you, or that he has threatened you in one way or another. Emotional reasons, for most people, override physical reasons.
- Most people do not realize that abuse does not have to be physical -- it can be emotional, too. Emotional abuse is abuse where your partner degrades you, swears at you constantly, or just plain does not show the love and affection that a spouse should show for the other spouse.
- In order to leave, you have to make up your mind that you are done with the abuse. If you, in your mind, deny that you are being abused, you will never leave. If you are not happy with your husband's behavior, but you cannot believe that his behavior constitutes abuse, the first step is to get counseling. You should first seek counseling on your own, then after a few sessions, suggest that you both see a marriage counselor. If this does not work to stop the abuse, you must go to the next step -- you must decide to leave the relationship.
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If you do not have job, but do have some work experience, start applying for jobs now. Make plans to stay with a friend or relative until you can get on your feet. If you are working, and cannot afford to support yourself, look for a roommate or a friend or family member who can rent a room to you. Either situation may be short term or long term, so be sure that your friend or family member understands that.
If you can afford to support yourself, find an apartment with a lease you can afford, even if it's not in the best part of town. Anything is better than staying in an abusive relationship, especially if the abuse is physical. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Look for shelters and other programs in your area that help people in abusive relationships. There are many programs out there to help you get a job, get settled in a new place, programs to help you find a new place to stay and more. -
If your husband is physically abusive or if he is emotionally abusive, and you think he may become physically abusive, the best thing to do is to leave when he is not at home. Pack your personal items and leave. Go to the new apartment or your friend's/relative's place -- wherever you have made arrangements.
If you cannot find a place to stay, go to the Women's Shelter in your city. They will put you up and help you find work and get back on your feet. They also offer counseling. - There is always the chance that your abusive husband will find out where you are and call and harass you. Under no circumstances should you go back, no matter how much he pleads, begs or harasses you to come back. In most cases, things will be better for a few weeks or months, then the abusive behavior starts in again. If you are staying with family or friends, let them know what the situation is. It may feel embarrassing for you to talk about it, but if you understand that his abusive behavior is not your fault (that is, if you are not the one to pick all the fights), then you should not be embarrassed -- know that you are not the only one in such a situation.
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If your husband is physically abusive, always call the police for every incident and file a report. If you fear for your life, you can ask for a restraining order against him. A restraining order will order your husband to stay away from you. If you have children, in most cases, your best course of action is to file a restraining order and ask the court for exclusive use and possession of the marital home. The court will ask the abuser to leave.
In some cases, it is just not feasible to stay in the marital home -- there are some people who have gone so far off the deep end that they do not think of the consequences of violating a restraining order. If you think your husband is that person, you should pack up the kids and yourself and get to a woman's shelter or find other housing arrangements as fast as you can. -
It is never easy leaving a relationship, even if you are getting beat every day. You must make up your mind that you are tired of the abuse, then carefully plan your escape. You must stick to your guns and not take him back. Things will be very difficult at first, as most people, especially with children, cannot afford to live on their own unless they make a cushy salary. You cannot think about that at this time. Your safety is more important than living a great lifestyle. The great lifestyle can come back later.
If you are afraid to get out on your own, get help through counseling and some of the other abuse programs that are available in almost every city. Do not be afraid to even go so far as to move out of the county. If you do not have children, you can move out of the state. File restraining orders if needed. Just do what you can to get away from the situation. Ask anyone you know for help.
Comments
daisy345 said
on 12/20/2009 Not showing affection to a spouse is abuse, I have been in both situations, when a spouse does this, they are using lack of affection to demean and control you. It is very painful, emotionally and does effect you physically. Do not let other people tell you this is not abuse.
karmablondy said
on 1/1/2009 I cannot believe that it specifically states."It may feel embarrassing for you to talk about it, but if you understand that his abusive behavior is not your fault (that is, if you are not the one to pick all the fights), then you should not be embarrassed. It does not matter of a woman ever picks a fight or if a man picks a fight with a women, the fact of the matter is, there's NO reason to be abused at all, period! So stating that if a woman picked the fights is going to tell her she deserved the abuse. That is WRONG
roseblood2840 said
on 12/2/2008 "or just plain does not show the love and affection that a spouse should show for the other spouse." Regarding this statement i dont understand how is this abuse. Not showing love is not abuse if you want to call it any thing call it neglect. I cannot be lieve this is posted. I know what abuse is. And that is not abuse who ever wrote this article needs to delete that part or explain it better, right NOW.