How Does a Relationship Fail?
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The Downward Spiral
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It seemed like a good relationship in the beginning. In fact, they all do. You saw them laughing, kissing, hugging each other almost every chance they could get. But over time, the physical interaction became less and less. They spent less time together and even started to speak badly about each other. Eventually, within a few years, the relationship came to an end.
How does it happen? How does it seem that even the best of relationships find a way to go bad?
Stress Invasion
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Stress can be a relationship killer. We all go through stressful moments, so that is to be expected. But when we first start relationships, we can sometimes try to hide the stresses that are tougher to handle than others. We want to seem infallible. Yet we aren't, and when we are stressed out, our "polite" guard can be let down, and the first target is the one you love. The stresses of work, home and life in general can cause a person to spill it all over into other not-so-positive stress relievers like alcoholism, smoking and even physical harm to a loved one. Without a proper way to mitigate stress, it can quickly become a relationship issue.
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Life Changes
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Sudden life changes are often a cause of stress. A relationship can be going just fine until something drastic happens, such as an unexpected child, death in the family or even an event that is seemingly positive like a promotion or move into a better location. How does this new part of an equation fit into the couple's life? What if the promotion comes with more hours at work and less time at home? Will the child divert too much attention from the loved one? These life changes can upend a relationship.
Communication Issues
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Yet one of the biggest reasons why relationships fail is a lack of communication. Ironically, it is the communication that got a couple into a relationship in the first place. Yet over time, a couple can start to communicate less. Maybe it's an expectation that the partner should automatically know what the person wants or needs, yet isn't providing it. This can be stressful, since people's wants and needs change over time and we haven't been given the ability to read minds just yet. Regardless of the feelings or reasoning, a lack of communication can be an instant relationship killer. How is a partner supposed to help if he doesn't know you are under job stress? Or how can a couple stay close in a long distance relationship if one doesn't call the other on a regular basis? Even older couples cannot express certain thoughts or feelings towards each other for fear of losing their partner.
Avoiding Pitfalls
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By managing communication and knowing not only how to say what you want but how to say it in a way your partner can understand and appreciate, you can prevent many good relationships from ending. Communicating about stress to your partner while allowing her to help you may give you a fresh perspective and allow your partner to feel needed at the same time. Even telling your partner (tactfully) the truth about that horrible dinner she made last night and how it can be improved might disappoint her for a little while, but it beats trying to make excuses not to eat her food again in future attempts. Most of all, communicating with respectful boundaries can make your relationship a lasting one.
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