-
For Christians, dating can be a tricky and persnickety endeavor filled with unnecessary pressures because many erroneously believe that the rules of "normal dating" no longer apply due to their faith. This is not true. The only difference for Christians should be that premarital intercourse is not an option. Unfortunately, the desire for intercourse and the pressure of avoiding it has become such a focus that many Christians feel that the solution is to simply get married for intercourse to be possible, thus "fixing" the problem.
While couples should be sexually attracted to one another, this is not the sole ticket item to base a relationship upon. Looks fade, potbellies emerge and gravity takes hold. So the first thing in starting a successful relationship is to not put undue pressure on the desired partner. Managing your expectations is key.
Meeting a new love interest is filled with exhilaration and excitement; however, everyone grows at their own pace, so simply spend time getting to know your desired partner for who she is, not what you want her to become. You may find that this is the partner of your dreams or, later down the road, your lawfully wedded nightmare. -
So many times it is almost a "dating point of interest" on a first date to go through a litany of complaints about past relationships. Although it is often used as a point of reference for the hopeful couple to understand one another, it can become more of a sob story than a well-written romance between two people getting to know each other. Therefore, the best approach is to let go of past experiences, forgive if necessary and not project anything negative onto the new partner.
More importantly, learn from past mistakes and bring a sense of maturity and understanding into a new situation. A failed relationship does not define you as a failure in relationships. Live, love, learn and move on. -
Defining boundaries and communicating them is a vital element in the development of a successful relationship. Nothing will sabotage a relationship faster than neediness and the tendency to control a new partner. Pursuing a new partner romantically is acceptable, but filling him with fear and dread of behavior that crosses the line is not. If you are capable of behavior that is rude and unbecoming, then correct it. Even though the notion of spending every waking moment together may send you to the moon, your partner may need more space, and you should respect that. One of the rules in the entertainment business is to "keep them wanting more," so let this apply here.
On the flip side, if your partner exhibits behavior that you find disconcerting, you need to communicate that. You were not created to be someone's doormat. Ultimately, you have to be yourself and hope that your new partner likes the real you. So many times Christians find themselves "playing church" and not being real to impress a prospective partner. To make matter worse, they engage in fake "uberspiritual" language to hide their insecurities and give themselves a false patina to a person who shares the same faith. A successful relationship is based on honesty, and that includes letting your partner see you for who you are.
A loving and forgiving individual with love you despite your faults, and for the most part people distrust a person who "appears" to be holier than thou. So, begin the "beguine" with some refreshing honesty, and let your love open the door.
