Beating the Back-to-School Blues
Getting Your Child Back Into a Healthy Groove
The most helpful thing you can do is casually let your child know that you are comfortable with the start of the school year, that you think of it as routine and that you are there for him as he makes the transition.
— Tina Feigel, author of "The Pocket Coach for Parents: Your Two-Week Guide to a Dramatically Improved Life With Your Intense Child"
Although the sun is shining bright and summertime is a fresh reality for your child, many schools are ramping up for school sessions to begin in mid-August. At a time when your child is still focused on sleeping in late, hanging out at the pool with friends and camping in the backyard, the thought of returning to school can spark anxiety, fear and the back-to-school blues.
Transition times are unsettling for the entire family, notes Anne Maxwell, a Colorado-based family therapist. "Even if the transition is to a known experience or event, it is a time of stress," Maxwell said.
Many children respond to changes in routine by acting out, refusing to adopt a routine or withdrawing emotionally. As a parent, it's often a challenge to get your child into a school routine and keep the household positive despite the looming back to school thoughts and activities.
Getting to the Bottom of the Blues
Change is inevitable, but transitioning from a carefree summer to a structured school schedule is not always an easy adjustment for a child.
Corecia J. Davis-Woo, an education specialist with Writing Global Collegiate Consultants, said summertime brings out sluggishness for families when the rigorous routine of the school year is relaxed or even abandoned. "Rather than having to get kids to bed at a certain hour, complete homework and shuttle to activities, the entire family unit can slow down. With this, however, comes an overall sluggishness as it relates to tasks, household responsibilities and structure."
When the school year approaches, the shift to a rigid academic schedule is less than enticing for both parents and children, Davis-Woo said. Your child may begin to worry about starting school and even refuse to attend. Many children experiencing back-to-school blues or anxiety, are reminded of homework, tests, new teachers, new kids and new principals. Some children even begin to test boundaries and throw tantrums as a result of anxiety and worry.
At the same time, parents may be adjusting to the shift in scheduling and priorities that accompany a new school year. Instead of late movie nights through the week and sleeping until noon, the bedtime routine and morning rush takes over, causing cranky kids and stressed-out parents.
Although shopping for sharp crayons and fresh markers may help prepare your children for the new school year, it's important to also prepare their minds for the classroom environment.
"The most helpful thing you can do is casually let your child know that you are comfortable with the start of the school year, that you think of it as routine and that you are there for him as he makes the transition," said Tina Feigal, author of "The Pocket Coach for Parents" and a Minnesota-based parent coach. "If you think of it as a crisis, so will your child."
Easing the Strain and Pain
As the entire family prepares for the beginning of school, recognize the emotional strain your child will endure. Feigal recommends listening to your child's concerns. "Reflect how she feels back to her in clear words, and when fears start to arise, make eye contact, showing that you really care," Feigal said. "It is amazing how just acknowledging the fear helps it to dissipate."
Helping your child to problem solve may also help ease the strain she is feeling. "Encourage your child to think of solutions," Feigal said. "If your son has repeated a fear to you several times in the past week, resist the temptation to reassure him with 'truths' such as 'The teacher will like you -- don't worry about that.'"
Instead, Feigal suggests prompting your child to think rather than get enveloped in fear. Parents can ask, "How do you think the teacher will get to know you?" or "How do you think kids find their buses on the first day?" According to Feigal, "When he comes up with his own thoughts about the fearful situation, he can accept them better."
It also might help your child to hear about your own childhood experiences at school. "It's so helpful to remind our children that we were kids once, too," Feigal said. "It increases our credibility to show them that we have experience and that we have overcome obstacles. A sense of camaraderie with parents is a wonderful family builder."
This camaraderie might come in handy when your child's emotions are high. Maxwell warns parents not to take emotional outbreaks personally. "Recognize that if your child starts to fall apart emotionally when school begins, he is not doing so to make your life miserable," she said. "Chances are he is so stressed out he cannot cope. Give him the benefit of the doubt that he is doing the best he can with what he has in the given moment, and provide the reassurance he needs."
A visit to school to familiarize your child with his teacher and school environment often helps ease the fear of the unknown and reduces high emotions. Feigel suggests developing a plan for the first day of school, too. "You may even want to set out clothes and backpacks to rehearse the school morning so that kids can predict exactly how it will go," she said. "This will reduce anxiety for everyone, including parents. Being able to adjust your routine to fit your needs when there is no time stress is a perfect way to get off on the right foot."
Even while addressing fears and anxiety about school, Dr. Jerry Weichman, a California-based psychologist, said it is crucial for parents to focus on the positive. "Kids are focusing on what they are not looking forward to. Additionally, they will also increase their anxiety by being negative and worrying about worst case scenarios," he said. "Help your child change their thoughts and their mood by asking them what they are looking forward to or how they would like the first day to go when they begin to complain about it."
Transitioning into a Routine
Parents often find that the back-to-school blues can be avoided if the transition from summer fun to study sessions is gradual. Davis-Woo recommends avoiding an abrupt switch from summer vacation to the school year.
"There is no reason that summer cannot be somewhat structured while maintaining the enjoyable character that everyone associates with summer vacation," Davis-Woo said. Maintain a consistent chore chart to keep responsibility at the forefront and limit bedtimes a few days a week so that your child remains refreshed for summer activities.
Parents also can gradually transition into a school schedule a few weeks before school begins. Davis-Woo recommends introducing a bedtime routine two to three weeks before school by cutting back 30 minutes to an hour each week until bedtime is back to school-year normal.
Structured activities during the summer also will help your child transition into school-time structure. "Offer some regular activity during the entire summer so that it is not a free-for-all," Davis-Woo said. "Whether this is a weekly chore day where bedrooms and the home are maintained, a family movie or game night that begins at a certain time and is offered on the same day weekly or giving kids academic assignments during the summer to keep them sharp, any hints of structure remind our brains that this is the ultimate goal, even while having fun."
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