Understanding How Men Deal With the Death of a Child

The death of a child generates a wide range of intense emotions.

Bereaved parents often experience feelings of impotence, frustration, and anger, along with feelings of guilt and depression, according to Lewis Aiken in "Dying, Death, and Bereavement." These feelings are often so intense that the parents never fully recover. However, these feelings manifest differently in men and women.

Emotional Response

According to Aiken, men are expected by society to respond less emotionally than women. This is affirmed by Carol Ranney, who states that men are generally concrete and practical thinkers. Men often have only short periods of intense grieving and dwelling on the circumstances of the death. They readily accept the reality of the death.

Behavioral Response

According to Ranney, men "work out" their grief. They may channel energies into former interests. Often, however, men will devote themselves to their role as supporter of the family and immerse themselves in work. This is possibly a guilt reaction to feeling that they could not protect their family from the death.

Perception of Death

Death is perceived differently by men and women. Women often feel abandoned with the death of a child, according to Aiken. However, men feel "dismembered" by the loss. In other words, women feel like the child left them, whereas men feel like a part of them was taken away from them.

References

• "Dying, Death, and Bereavement";Lewis Aiken; 1985
• Examiner: Parent's Grief