Why Is it Difficult to Leave an Abusive Relationship?

Abuse can be verbal, physical, sexual, psychological or emotional.

An abusive relationship is a pattern of controlling and coercive behaviors used by one partner to maintain power over the other. The cycle of abuse can be difficult to break.

Cycle of Abuse

The cycle of abuse starts with a buildup of tension. Communication breaks down, and the abused tries to placate the abuser. The second phase is the actual abuse, be it physical, verbal or emotional. The third phase is the reconciliation, during which the abuser gives excuses or places blame. The fourth phase is the calm, "honeymoon," or "hearts and flowers" phase, in which the abuse is "forgotten" and the relationship seems idyllic.

Types of Abuse

Physical abuse may involve hitting, pushing, kicking and biting. Emotional abuse involves name-calling, insults, and insults. Sexual abuse is coercion into sexual acts. Isolation is when one partner keeps the other from going out or seeing others, while intimidation is glaring and smashing things.

Barriers to Leaving

A person may stay in an abusive relationship for any number of reasons. Isolation keeps an abused person from her support system. She may be afraid of retaliation for leaving, or that an abuser may make good on a threat to kill himself or another person. She may have been shamed and intimidated into thinking the abuse is her fault.

References

• Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness: Barriers to Leaving an Abusive Relationship
• Heart 2 Heart: The Cycle of Abuse
• Women's Rural Advocacy Program: Types of Domestic Abuse

Resources

• Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network