Adult Siblings and Extreme Jealousy
Fighting between child siblings is a common behavior, perhaps common enough that passers-by take little notice of squabbling kids, and on occasion, parents might actually ignore the constant bickering that goes on between their children. Although it may be tempting to think that such behavior will inevitably become nothing more than a memory of childhood, not a few brothers and sisters carry jealousy-driven grudges into their adult years.
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A Few Explanations
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No two relationships are the same, but there are many common factors when it comes to the origins of sibling rivalry in general, and jealousy in particular. From early on, children notice how their parents interact with their siblings. A parent complimenting one child, or resolving a dispute between children in a way favorable to a particular child, makes a lasting impression on a child who might feel unappreciated or mistreated. A withdrawn parent, or a parent otherwise unable to provide adequate attention, may consciously or unconsciously cause her children to compete for attention to the point at which affection is seen as something that has to be won at the expense of the other children.
Adult Jealousy
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Anger developed between siblings in childhood will likely focus itself around adult concerns as the siblings grow older. A sister might resent her brother or sister's career success, or a recently married sister's commitment to her new spouse may bring out resentment from a brother who views the new relationship as de-emphasizing their family relationship. As siblings get older and find it necessary to ensure their aging parents' care and well-being, parental favoritism and family power struggles may again become serious issues.
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The Rest of the Family
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Sibling jealousy can easily end up impacting an entire family. When older parents are no longer capable of making their own decisions concerning their health and well being, sibling jealousy can prevent the orderly resolution of the aged parents' issues as issues stemming from that jealousy may overshadow the more relevant and practical concerns of elder care. Additionally, adult siblings eager to maintain control over their own family may prevent strong relationships from developing between their children and their children's aunts and uncles.
Separation
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While many experts on family relationships tout the benefits of healthy sibling relationships, it can also be said that many people who choose to end their association with adult siblings find it to be more emotionally satisfying than trying to maintain a relationship strained by extreme jealousy. That said, although some degree of jealousy is commonplace in adult sibling relationships, most adult siblings choose to maintain some type of association.
Confronting Jealousy
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An adult feeling envious of his sibling will likely find it beneficial not to draw comparisons between himself and his brother or sister. Instead, he can choose to set his own standard and to emphasize his own talents and positive personal attributes. Parents of adult children may do well to do the same as adults often remain sensitive to hurtful comparisons. Extreme jealousy among adult siblings can make communication difficult; a respected third party or counseling professional may be able to assist in creating an ongoing and respectful conversation between adult siblings.
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References
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Comments
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Man! My sister just threatened to have me arrested? I'm left bewildered why?
