The Etiquette for Sending Sympathy Cards in a Timely Manner

Remember an acquaintance or family member with a sympathy card.

When someone young or old passes away, it is customary to write a sympathy card to the surviving family members as they go through the long process of grieving and saying good-bye. While most of us communicate with texting and email, a physical note is the best way to reach out and should be written as soon as possible after the death.

Respond Right Away

It's best to write the note immediately after hearing about the loss.

According to the Emily Post Institute, sympathy cards should be written immediately after you hear about the person's death. The family's grieving process may or may not set in right away, based on the circumstances of the person's passing, so it's best that the loss be acknowledged right away.

What To Say

Trying to find just the right words can be daunting. Just speak from the heart.

While most people have trouble with the wording, it is perfectly acceptable to simply write whatever comes to mind. Chances are, the person will be comforted to hear from you, regardless of how clumsy you might have felt while writing it.

Another Tool for Reaching Out

Email can be a precursor to a thank you note.

In current times, the Institute, which is run by third generation Emily Post family members and is considered a leading expert in etiquette, says it is also fine to send an email prior to writing the note. This lets loved ones know that you have quickly responded to their loss, something they'll appreciate in their time of grief.

Check your sources.

Double check the obituary for spelling, names of loved ones.

It is also a good idea to check the newspaper to see if an obituary was published. This will give you the correct spelling of the deceased's name, as well as the names of the surviving family members whom you can mention in the note. This personalizes your message more and shows you are taking an interest in the extended family at this delicate time.

The Final Word

Sometimes flowers aren't necessary, but a note is always customary.

Another tip the newspaper offers is a way to find out the wishes of the family. That way, instead of sending flowers, you can make a charitable donation of the person or family's choice, and write that you did so in the note.

References

• The Emily Post Institute: Bereavement Questions and Answers